A COUPLE of days ago, I attended the bridal shower of my friend, Shekinah Lee. She is set to marry my husband’s friend, Jun Castrodes, in a few days. Since she and I do zumba together, our zumba family organized a Havana-themed bridal shower for her; inspired by the ditty, “Havana-Ooooohhh-Nana”, which we always groove to in our classes. It was a fun night with everyone coming dressed to the nines, happily playing kinky games, and warmly giving heartfelt messages during the opening of gifts (which, of course, were all naughty for the honeymoon).
The shower’s success is a collective effort amongst all of us who did our respective tasks to make it fun and memorable. Our zumba family is definitely excited for Shekina’s upcoming big day. It is our greatest honor and pleasure to shower her with love, prayers, and well-wishes. The wedding day is merely a happy “kick-start” to a new chapter in their relationship, with certainly more best days yet to come.
A marriage is indeed not just about two people. It is a celebration of life and love amidst the warmth and goodwill of family and friends. A wedding will always be a great reminder that in spite of all our individual differences, we have a great unifier: we all need love and we all have love in our hearts to share. Ah love, it does conquer us all.
No matter who we are or what we believe, loving someone is one thing that we are doing right! And it is a universal truth that all of us have loved another person in our lifetime. Our ability to love is the very best part of our humanity.
It’s quite refreshing to attend a bridal shower as an “old married hag” [been married almost 17 years and have known my bitter (er better)-half for 20 years]. There’s something about the giddy, twinkly eyes of a bride-to-be that makes even the most stoic of spinsters believe in the magic of romance. Love, especially when it’s brand-new or if you’re on the verge of saying I DO, is overpowering, all consuming, and ever so passionate.
But as the years go by, I have personally realized that love may be blind, but marriage sure is a reality check, an eye-opener! Typically, during the dating stage, it is always the best foot forward. However, living with a completely different person under the vow of matrimony, with absolutely no way out (hey ‘til death do us part), inevitably leads to conflict. As cliche as it may sound, nobody’s perfect; hence, it is but normal for people living in close proximity for years to rub each other the wrong way.
In my life, the grand gestures of flowers and chocolates have diminished. But it is in the stillness of the night when our child cries, and the husband offers to pick-up the child so I can sleep, when I realize that our love, though it has evolved, remains just as powerful. The magic is not really gone. Of course, it truly helps that we have God in the center of our commitment because He has given us the strength to weather trials.
Last V-day, I was so surprised to get a cake from my husband. In fact, that particular day, he was out on a trip with the boys. Receiving the cake was a miracle. We’re not the typical sweet couple—we are more like carinyo-brutal. The kids and I tried to decipher what the cake meant because it had “abstract-type” decor.
My middle child teased: “It’s messy just like your relationship!” Pak!!!! I laughed. Then he added after we sliced it: “It’s really like you and him. If you look deep into it, it’s actually really nice and sweet!” Naks!!! I was touched. Yes, my children do understand the essence of my relationship with their dad.
Getting that cake on an auspicious day like hearts day was the perfect time to remember that love is not just a feeling but a decision. A relationship needs action and intention to sustain it through years and decades. Marriage is beautiful but what follows after the wedding is definitely not easy. Romantic love quickly fades as the nitty-gritty and harsh realities of everyday living dull its shine.
At times, I wonder how on earth my husband and I have survived this long cause we are polar opposites—I talk too much, whereas, he barely speaks. I am a short-tempered panic-button, and he is a slow-to-anger calm fella. I get energy from people; he revels in quiet solitude. I laugh out loud and yet, I can barely coax a smile with teeth out of him. He takes risks in both business and his recreational activities. I am more reserved in my investments and as for activities, my couch excites me the most. He is athletic; I am eat-letic...The list just goes on.
The differences make it so hard! He has seen me at my worst, when I am most unlovable...and yet he is still around. And I can say the same thing—it goes both ways. We may not always see eye-to-eye, but we've learned to pick what roads to conquer and battle over. I am truly thankful that he still manages to say "I Do" with me each day; even when the going gets tough, and it is really just so much easier to shout "I Don't!"
To Shekinah and Jun, each new day is another chance for you to fall in love with each other all over again. Remember, the wedding is just the beginning. Conflict, though inevitable, can always be surpassed if you’re willing to work for it. Good marriages don’t just happen; you need to nurture the relationship daily. Wishing you both nothing but the best and looking forward to seeing you grow as a couple. Continue to be a blessing to each other, to make your marital relationship feel just like heaven.
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