M: Jude’s dilemma is about his girlfriend who he says is awfully boring. She enjoys things which he finds shallow. They’ve been together for three months. Should he wait it out or end the relationship? I must say that since he described her as awfully boring, there is no reason to prolong his boredom. If he finds her shallow, what’s there to deepen? Cut it while they’re still fairly new into their relationship; otherwise, he is not only unfair to her but also to himself.
DJ: It’s not surprising for someone to find another person and be convinced in the beginning that he or she is the one. Jude’s case is no different from that. A good beginning doesn’t necessarily mean a happy ever after. Experience will tell us that things will no longer be perfect soon after when the reality kicks in. Part of dating is getting to know each other. Now three months later, it seems like this dude can’t connect on a soulful or even pragmatic level with his girlfriend. What he sees is what he gets. Is there still a need to see more clearly? It’s only he who can ultimately answer that.
M: If he decides to continue with their relationship because he thinks she can change, he has to get a reality check and adjust his expectations. When he says she likes things which he finds shallow, this would only be a deal breaker if she is shallow and not if her interests are “shallow.” What exactly is his definition of shallow? One can like many things and have several interests which are not necessarily always profound, life changing or will impact world peace. Since he became interested enough in her to make her his girlfriend, there must be something relevant or significant about her.
DJ: I also suggest for Jude to evaluate his intent why he pursued a relationship with her in the first place. Why did he think he loved her? Why is he bored now? What changed? In this age and time, I still think dating is not synonymous to a trophy hunt which is merely to captivate, capture and then conquer. And as soon as these three Cs are ticked off from the to-do list, a woman is reduced to just an achievement. While it usually takes about two or three relationships before finding the right person, he’s got to leverage on these experiences too to be the right person.
M: The good thing about this guy’s dilemma is that he is thinking about his relationship and where it is headed. It’s not a mindless whirl of romantic feelings or sweet nothings which are usually inherent in new relationships. If it’s already boring at this stage, and it seems like nothing will spice it up, stop it already. If in doubt, don’t.
DJ: Dating and spending more time with someone exposes certain quirks that can be endearing or maddening. But these also give us better clarity about how things will possibly look should they decide to give living happily ever after a shot. That’s why people date. Now if Jude can no longer see anything more beyond this point, I suggest that he end it and do it as a gentleman should. Face her, talk to her and be gentle but straightforward in telling her that he no longer loves her. He’s got to give her time and space too. This breakup can positively teach him and her more about how relationships work. And they both can charge this to experience.