OFTEN when we hurt, we mask our pains. We do it for reasons that we do not want others to share our struggle or see our weaknesses. But as much as we try to look okay, what we feel will always show on the surface. Our eyes gaze at a distant and our smile is never the same. We unconsciously display our brokenness; we forget that we are humans unable to conceal pains.
Let me share with you some attitude and behavior that we use as facade for our pains (due to loss of love).
Not wanting to sleep. It is already 1:00 a.m., and you're just sitting on the couch. You are not doing anything, your mind and heart is tired but your soul is very much awake.
Your desire not to sleep is due to your fear that when you close your eyes, the pain becomes more unbearable.
Not wanting to wake up. And when you were able to sleep, the wish now is to not wake up because you just cannot start your day without that person who is the ultimate reason for you to stay alive. You forced yourself not to feel the heat of the sun, not to hear the noise around and to taste the sweetness of the coffee. You want to just stay sleeping, numb and not feeling anything - because the feeling itself that you exist is a burden.
Pretending to listen. As long as you live, there is a need to communicate. But when you are so down, you have tendencies of talking without listening. You pretend to enjoy the conversation, yet you don't understand the talk. The other person's stories do not mean anything to you at all, and your answers are just automatic - safe, no arguments and not insightful. Your presence is there but the whole of you is centered on how you feel.
Trouble in inhaling and exhaling. When you were born, you were not taught how to breathe. But when you are in pain, you even get confused inhaling from exhaling. You exhale when you inhale and you inhale when you exhale. The trouble is it will cause you to catch for your breathing. This may be happening because your reason to breathe is no longer there.
Sometimes, we get hurt too much that we allow the pain to sink into our soul and make us vulnerable.
We cannot fake what we can feel because the eyes speak and our actions show. Maybe we should need to go through this process of hurting until we learn our lessons and ready to feel love again.