M: Baron is in a three-year relationship. But for the past eight months, they’ve been fighting at least twice a week on over almost anything. Even petty stuff are blown out of proportion. He still loves her. What should they do? Talk. But find the right time and place and choose what to talk about. Before doing that, I’d like him to have time to be by himself to do some serious soul searching. The holy week is the best time to do it.
DJ: Conflicts happen primarily due to unmet expectations. It’s just a bit strange why the fights have been happening in the past eight months of their three-year relationship. Each person comes into a relationship with certain expectations, how they individually think things should be. No two people actually think exactly the same. But if they level up the manner that they talk and listen to each other and align their expectations, it is likely for them to find a common ground to move the relationship forward.
M: Arguments, fighting over petty stuff and even giving each other the silent treatment is normal in every relationship. As the saying goes—“familiarity breeds contempt.” But as my wiser, younger sister Jasmin said, “Familiarity, if properly cultivated, breeds love.” Spending too much time with a significant other can sometimes make things more significant or less significant, depending on one’s attitude. That is why it is good to spend time apart from each other, enjoy stuff independently of each other. And when they come back together, there are many new things to share and talk about.
DJ: They can perhaps check the triggers. Detect whether there’s a pattern or common thread to these fights. Perhaps they’re stressed over a new career or business development. That’s why they’re sweating even the small stuff. They can agree not to engage in a battle unless it is important—people and stuff they can’t live without. Now if they’re still upset about something, it works if they focus on the behavior and not the person. Avoid “argumentexting” too. Text and social media messaging are by far the most unhealthy media to use. Emotions can be interpreted differently. There is a time and place for everything.
M: All relationships go through a rough patch. It is up to both of them to work through it or give up. Either way, one is able to better get to know a person during tough times. Smooth seas never make for a good sailor, or so they say. Baron, it’s good that he still loves his girlfriend. If the Ateneans have their “One Big Fight,” don’t be afraid to go through and learn from their one, two, three or more big and small fights. At the end of the day, if they’re both able to go through this period of testing and purification, just like after going through Good Friday, there is Easter to celebrate!
DJ: I suggest that Baron take the lead when they come into a conflict. He needs to manage his emotions first before dealing with a situation. And the objective is not to prove who’s right but to bridge a gap. Who knows? These fights might even pave the way for them to better understand each other. Now if the bad times are already outweighing the good, perhaps they need to assess the relationship as a whole. Life is short. And it’s best to spend it with someone who values it too and not sap too much time fighting over petty stuff.