MY HOSPITALIZATION last week made me realize things I didn’t understand when I was active and so healthy before.
Some are reflections that presented to me how important I am in this world and some are insights that showed me how people would prefer me to just disappear in this world. For those seven days of hospitalization, people who were close and not so close to me visited.
I see their faces of sadness, worries, and concerns. I received so many text messages and calls which has help me strongly believe that life is worth to live. My husband, children, Mom, co-workers, friends and unexpected people, of course, were there. I felt so loved and I thank God for that.
But for those seven days, I wondered why that person who pretended to be always concerned of my health never appeared. The person who used to tell me to cut my sugar intake, the person who would always prefer me not to work because I have to take a rest and the person who would always remind me that God hears prayers.
Ahh, I would like to think the person is missing but I heard that person often asks about me and funny but is waiting for my funeral. Days had passed and I have heard that the person I am talking to lives in a life full of deceptions. The face is so lovely but the heart is full of hatred. The person usually pretends to be happy for others when that person is not truly joyful at all.
I just wonder – why curse me? Why do you wish for people like us doomed to death? Why do you continually destroy people with your angelic-killer tactics? Although it is how you have treated me for years, I remained to look up to you because I knew where I stand. But if you stop me from growing up, it is like you are killing me earlier.
Please allow me to die with my illness naturally and not to die because of your hurting moves. I guess I deserve to speak what is in my mind and to do what I believe is right.
For now, if you can read this. I would like to say sorry. Sorry for not following your goals because I see it is not going to benefit the many. Sorry for not taking the steps you would want me to journey because I see it is only going to give you benefits.
Again, I am so sorry but I will remain to do what I believe is right creating joy to the others. And I am not yet going to die. I am still going to live a longer life. Our paths may cross but I will be deceived no more. I can handle your fake caring but it is only yourself that can handle your hatred to people who would want to prosper and take off.
Truly, it takes courage and stress to truly care about others by allowing oneself to place at last. I guess, we have to face the reality that in this world there are really people who cannot reach down and lift people up.
These are people who would reject your opinions and suggestions and would make up stories to devalue you. Oh, envious people are really the saddest person because they cannot see their true value.
If there’s one most important thing I have learned, it is that the purpose of our lives is not to be happy but to be compassionate and useful to others because there is nothing more beautiful in this world than someone who goes out of their way to make life beautiful for others.