Four gives

M: Jonah can’t forgive his father who abandoned them 10 years ago. He finished college as a working student and now that he’s done with school, his father resurfaced again. Forgiving someone is not as easy as saying sorry and being forgiven. In fact, it can be very difficult for some to forgive and forget. Ten years is a long time to harbor ill will or anger. But you can decide to end your misery by forgiving even if the person who hurt you has not asked for forgiveness. Jonah, your father’s resurfacing and probably coming back into your life is not an accident. There is a reason and a season for everything.

DJ: I used to think it was easy to forgive until something bad recently happened to me and my friends. It grew my compassion for those having a hard time letting go of anger or hurt. If it’s just as easy as forgetting and forgiving, I guess all of us, including Jonah, would have done it. But forgiveness, at times, is easier said than done. Perhaps he’s grieving over something valuable he lost growing up with a missing father. His expectations and dreams might have been disappointed. But I hope for the time to come that he’ll claim his freedom from his father’s power to continue hurting him. What the wise say about forgiveness is true—to forgive is setting a prisoner free and eventually discovering that that prisoner, after all, is him.

M: Sometimes there are no words that can be said that can heal the hurts in one’s heart. Time is needed to heal and to recover from the pains caused, may it be recent or long ago. Jonah has to process his feelings so he can move past them and move on from the past. I think everyone can relate to being hurt and being unforgiven. But it is not up to the other person who has wronged us to release us from unforgiveness. We have to learn to untangle ourselves from it and decide to do it because nobody else can do it for us. Forgiveness is a personal thing. No one else can do it for us.

DJ: First, he can give the situation time. His dad just returned. The wound is still fresh, I believe. But it’s he who will have to decide when he’s ready. Waiting for his dad to initiate the action might be like waiting for a ship that’s lost in the ocean. Second, he can give himself permission to express his feelings about what happened. His dad needs to know. But anger tends to muddy that message. He has to be calm and well prepared to say his piece and to listen as well. This will put him in the driver’s seat. Third, Jonah has to give himself back the control of his emotions. Keeping the hurt keeps him enslaved to the consequences of his father’s actions. It matters that he’ll learn to feel good about himself in a way that’s not dependent on other people’s behavior. Fourth, give his father time if he needs it. He is also going through his own journey too. Pray for God’s peace. He can’t control what his father does from here on but he can stay determined to let go and set himself free.

M: This Easter, more than the festivities that the resurrection brings, it is my hope and prayer that all of us will truly learn not to resurrect our past hurts and forgive, not just those who hurt us but also ourselves.

DJ: Letting go of his hurts is not an overnight experience. It takes time. But as Jonah works toward it, I’m sure he’ll eventually find that it is worth the effort.

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