ING maestra mengutang ya karing magaral king klasi na, “Nung lima lang ayup painawa babo bakod at tirador me ing metung, pilan la pang mitagan?”
Pepapakibat ne kang Juanito. Ngana ning anak, “Ala pung mitagan, kasi mayabwang la’t sulapo langan.” “Ing ustung pakibat APAT, pero loku kapin.”
I Juanito mabilis yang migsalita, “Kutnan danako man po, Ma’am? Atlu la pung babae ring mamangan ice cream a maka-apa (cone). Ing metung dilat-dilata’ne misusumangid ing kaya. Itang pangadua naman sisipsipa’ne king babo at aldukan’e. Itang katlu kinis-kinisa’ne banda sepu. Ninu pu karela ing talasawa?”
Mengalare ya ing maestra, nganang mekibat, “Palague ku itang sisipsip at mamalduk manibat babo.”
Minatba ya i Juanito, “Ing ustung pakibat, Ma’am, yapin itang babaing maka wedding ring.”
One of the best lessons I have learned is answering catch questions objectively as little Johnny does in the joke above. In his old age, I hope little Johnny would have learned this wisdom:
1. That people cannot live in their old glory. Past victories do not guarantee future triumphs.
2. That nothing money can buy can satisfy us perfectly.
3. That when we are undergoing trial and pain, something good is being accomplished.
4. Watch out for certain people who make excellent friends but can be the worst as your employer.
5. That loving and showing one’s affection does not hurt. You feel miserable when you expect and fail to get reciprocation.
6. Life is filled with unpredictable experiences that can make you go crazy – either you control your attitude or your reaction controls you.
7. Often people must be hurt in order to know; fail in order to succeed, lose in order to gain, and fall in order to rise.
8. The secret to a longer life is to have more birthdays.
9. The Good Book says “the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong,” but the man with the better logistics has the advantage in speed and strength. That beautiful people can get away with a lot of things (Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Imelda Marcos) but can have the most tragic lives (Cleopatra, Grace Kelly, Princess Diana, Janet Napoles).
10. We will be frustrated if we pursue the most desirable things (and people) in life.
11. God must have favored population control as He created only two human beings – Adam and Eve.
12. The best way to live is to grow like a tree by shedding old leaves to create new ones.
13. “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.” – (2 Corinthians)
14. The rich and powerful attract a lot of negativity because they attract the opportunists whose affection and loyalty is skin-deep.
15. If indeed there is honor among thieves, why do people set a thief to catch a thief?
16. Money is like a balikbayan – here today, gone tomorrow.
17. Things are not what they appear to be. Take the example of little Johnny.
***
This essay appears in my forthcoming book “Goin” Bananas and Other Essays” a collection of works in Sun Star Pampanga.