The Year of the Snake (and the longest human snake?)

PENGYOU, nin hao! It’s Chinese New Year again, and last year’s magnificent dragon is flying away to make room for this year’s cunning snake to slither into its place and rule over the other zodiac animals until the next lunar cycle.

The snake has been described as aware, acute, but also proud, vain, and vicious.

Sound ominous? Maybe – but it’s not all that bad. I mean, think of all the opportunities you could get if your stars are in the right places this year. If you’re aware of your surroundings, you’ll be quicker on your feet and more in-tune to the tasks at hand. If you’re extremely cunning, you can outmaneuver your competition at work and grab that promotion before any of the opposition does.

The Chinese astrological charts dictate that this year of the snake will make everyone generally better at problem solving, and people will be able to make decisions on critical issues quicker – like a snake’s strike.

They also say now is a good time to begin important, life-changing work. People will generally become more ambitious and more… conniving. Since everyone will be ambitious, chances are that people will try to trample other people in their efforts to get to the top – much like a den of vicious vipers.

Take that news as you will, because that’s what the stars in China say, not me. But speaking of competition – how’s this for one: Bacolod is planning on holding the world record, yes, the world record for the “longest human snake”.

On February 9, record-breakers will attempt to snake through (I do not seek your forgiveness for this pun) 22nd Lacson St. all the way to the South Capitol Road.

My first thought was, “Man, people are gonna get stepped on.” But, hopefully, we can pull this off. The city government has already contacted the Guinness Book of World Records office and aerial footage of the event will be provided with the help of 3rd District, Negros Occidental Rep. Albee Benitez and his handy-dandy helicopter.

The human snake will hopefully reach a length of 600 meters and block pedestrian traffic for the same length. The line will involve students of the Domingo Lacson National High School.

But in this journalist’s opinion, they should let everyone join. High School students are little people. When you have a hundred twenty-to-thirty year olds joining them, then you have a human snake.