Sex and the teaching profession, 2

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By Ver F. Pacete

As I See It

Saturday, June 28, 2014


TEACHERS are so tired they don’t have the appetite to fulfill one of their biological needs. Lovemaking is not just the assignment of the will. You cannot oblige a very tired teacher to be romantic. She is not just tired. She is sleepy also. The transformation from an emotional and spiritual relationship to a sexual one is an occasion to prepare for wonderful lovemaking.

For a husband and wife who have been living together for two years, they may have shared their sexual biographies. If your wife is a teacher you should have known her sexuality. Discover what turns her on and off and what makes her comfortable and uncomfortable. Jumping into bed is not the first action. Your wife may have a problem with her principal, with her honor students, with the naughty students, or with her fellow teachers (not necessarily on money matters).

What is a sexual biography? It is a composition of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences (personal and vicarious) that have contributed to your sexuality. It consists of your family background (culture, religion, attitude towards nudity, parental values), formal sex education, informal sex education, early fantasies, earliest sexual encounter, previous interaction with a love interest. Remember that your teacher wife is very sensitive. That’s a part of her training as a second mother in the classroom.

Your wife (a teacher loves to talk) needs your attention. Concentrate on what she is saying. Don’t interrupt her. Give feedback if she’s asking for it. Lending a sympathetic ear is good for your relationship. Try to recognize your wife’s signals and respond accordingly. Does she lean close to you? Grab the opportunity. You can give your signals also . . . a teasingly caress at her shoulder, a tickling breath art her ear, a hug or kiss (not necessarily French kiss). Treat your teacher wife with a head massage, which helps to sooth away tension for not completing her lesson plan.

A female teacher was honest in telling me that she did not have sex with her husband for almost a year. I asked, “Is your husband dead?” The husband is still alive. I found out later that both of them are taking prescribed drugs for their illnesses. Some of these drugs are for lowering blood pressure, antihistamines for allergy, cold remedies, travel sickness pills, antidepressants, beta-blockers, barbiturates. Even I am not a doctor but I know that alternative therapies and natural supplements can have unwanted side effects.

When I was still teaching Population Education, I told my female students that the monthly rise and fall of hormones has a powerful effect on moods, well-being, and sexual sensitivity. Female teachers should keep a daily diary in which you map your moods and physical feelings. Share your diary with your husband. A teacher having a baby may have a problem with her lifestyle. The baby absorbs a great deal of time and energy. I experienced that when Roselyn and I were starting to raise a family.

The sexual effect of menopause differs from woman to woman. Some find that their sex drive diminishes, or that dryness and loss of orgasmic sensation turns them off. That could be the case of the female teacher who did not have sex for almost a year. She is already nearing sixty years. Estrogen levels drop at menopause. To still enjoy sex, keep fit as you grow older to maintain and enjoy an active sex life. Wives should also remember that when the husband is already old, he needs much more, and much stronger, sexual stimulation. A teacher wife should also understand that differences in the degree of affection that partners show each other can lead to an unhappy relationship.

We would like to inform our female teachers (also male teachers) that not only classroom situation make you tired. Sometimes sex is hampered by the different levels of desire between partners. Intimacy and commitment issues such as anger or jealously can damage your sex drive. Some prescribed drugs can have a negative effect on your sex appetite.

For your satisfaction, explore the challenging world of sex. Your teaching profession is not really the ultimate hindrance (it could just be one of them). Sex is a journey of adventure. Teacher should also believe that in exploring sex, they will find new facets of themselves emerging from the intensity of their experience. And this is not just for teachers, this is for all. Invest on sex with your legal partner. Always develop extra-special interest.

Published in the Sun.Star Bacolod newspaper on June 28, 2014.

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