Asuncion: Charisma - having the X-Factor

QUESTION: Dear Mr. A., I meet many people every day because of my work. Unlike most of my officemates, I am not afraid to talk to anyone, even those with high positions. But, I can’t help but think if all these people like me at all. I mean, how do I make sure that they will like me when I deal with them? Are there things that I should learn and observe? Great thanks to you! – Philip M. of Benguet

PersonPower: Philip, you are way ahead of your officemates already having the confidence in dealing with people of various types and levels. Although confidence is a fundamental tool in raising one’s self, I suggest that you pay attention as well to your other traits if you want to easily win people’s acceptance, trust and respect towards you. To begin with, you’ve got to develop what all of us have, i.e., the so-called Personal Charisma.

Click here for Election 2010 updates

What is Charisma? Dictionaries do not nail the word’s definition if you’ll analyze it. Each definition is vague and it is useless to one that wants to develop charisma. It is just that something that draws people to you…a special quality that allows you to have an influence over other people…some call it the X factor as if it is some mysterious characteristic encoded in our genetics.

Personal charisma seems to be the one factor that successful individuals have. They seem to have this air of confidence not to be confused with conceit and they just seem to magnetize eyes to stare at them, and it is not because that they are terribly gorgeous most of the time. They are just ordinary folks like you and I, but they seem to have that X Factor...they are unexplainably likeable that people always want to be around them.

It is that indefinable “something” that people have that attract others like bees to honey.

Charisma is not tangible. It is not nameable. It cannot be easily defined. It is that extra “oomph” that some people have. Charisma is a presence, an energy that everyone around notices and wants to be part of. When a charismatic person walks into a room everyone looks and is naturally drawn to this person.

A lot of people mistakenly think that you either have it or you don’t. This isn’t necessarily true. It is not completely unattainable. You don’t have to be born with it, although some people are. To be like these charismatic people is to consciously work on increasing your charisma, and doing it is really not something that is hard to do if you are willing to put in the work. This means that you need to learn all you can about the subject and look for ways you can put what you learn in to practice in your life.

To increase your charisma, you need to do the following:

1. Raise Your Self Esteem & Confidence – Believe it or not, the underlying characteristic of charisma is self confidence and I am glad that this is something that you’ve somehow developed already. You seem to be comfortable with yourself, even when faced with important people as you shared. And I suppose you can control yourself even when you are a little nervous by not showing it. Continue telling yourself that you can do anything….that what you can do, other people cannot do. Soon you will start to believe it, and others around you will start to believe it too.

2. Improve People Skills – Practice the Number 1 Rule in Human Relations. It simply means that you treat and make each person feel that he is the most important person you ever met. Give people your undivided attention and memorize their name. Call people by name and ask questions about themselves. Comment on their topic of choice without referring back to yourself. This trait is the most important trait for charisma, second to self confidence.

3. Keep Eye Contact Steady & Sincere - A charismatic person makes eye contact steadily and sincerely with everyone they speak with. This is part of self confidence actually. Shy individuals look away, and stuck-up individuals look beyond a person as if they are better than them. What you want to do is look at a person straight in the eyes the moment you greet them with a handshake. Softly, keep looking in to their eyes (Don’t stare!) as they are talking so they can feel like you really are interested in what they say.

4. Give a Firm Handshake - You want to give those you meet a firm handshake, without crushing their hands of course. Giving a weak handshake shows lack of confidence.

5. Walk Moderately - A charismatic person never walks as if they are in a hurry. This might cause others to believe the person has better things to do with their time. A charismatic person also avoids walking slowly which can give an impression of hesitation. Just walk at a moderate pace with confidence in yourself.

6. Move with Grace & Elegance - Grace is fluent motions that almost seem carefree. You do not exhibit grace if you are always tripping, fumbling through your papers, and dripping spaghetti sauce on your tie. If you are naturally clumsy, you will need to work harder at this than others. Take time and view your surroundings first to help you avoid tripping and falling. Behave as a cultured and educated individual would, effortlessly projecting a professional presence.

7. Have a Calm Behavior - A charismatic person doesn’t get all confused and agitated whenever something unexpected comes up. Do some deep and steady breathing if you feel yourself about to get anxious. Realize that every problem has a solution and then work on the answer. Once you get used to remaining calm, you will find that your confidence level goes up. This is because you realize that your life is not going to fall apart around you just because of one emergency.

8. Dress Appropriately - Never walk around looking like a slob. This includes running errands or making a trip to the grocery store. You never know who you are going to run in to, so always look your best. Take the time to iron your clothes and remove any lint. Comb your hair and make sure you shaved. You don’t have to be handsome or beautiful to be charismatic as long as you dress and feel like you are indeed handsome or beautiful.

9. Be a Power Speaker - Charismatic people are great public speakers and they are often in high demand. Practice so you’ll be a great public speaker with charisma. Start by choosing topic you are knowledgeable in. Work on your research to develop your speech flow and then familiarize it. Prepare some cue cards with the major points on it. Make sure those cards do not list the whole speech. Only look at your cards 5 percent of the time to see the next bullet point to keep yourself on track. Start practicing public speaking with small engagements and work your way up to bigger ones.

10. Be Genuine - You will want to know where you stand on certain issues and stick to it. If you vote “yes” on an issue and then change it to “no” the without any valid reason or argument, you will be viewed as someone who is wishy washy. As a charismatic person, you should have firm beliefs. Even if people don’t agree with you, they will respect your stand. To be genuine you must always be truthful, and never try to be someone else. Be happy to be you!

Increasing your charisma can help better your chances of being chosen for a job, develop more friendships, advance in politics, become more respected, and much more. Understand all the character traits and apply them in your everyday life, Philip. You don’t have to implement them all at once, and you don’t even have to implement them all actually. Just take one at a time. The more you do, the more your charisma will increase. It also takes between twenty-one and forty days for a new habit to form, so you will need to practice them awhile before they become second nature.

Lastly, people with charisma take time to share to other people what they know. I therefore advise you to impart to your officemates whatever you’ve learned along the way. A learning that is not shared is not worth learning at all.

Keep everything up, Philip. – Mr. A.