WE JUST bid our yaya of almost three years adieu. She never came back from her All Saints' Day vacation although she undertook to leave by December still.

I am certain many working moms will agree with me when I make this observation: sometimes we rely too much on the presence of our househelp and baby sitters, and when they suddenly leave we feel so lost, as if a part of our body is missing.

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In the case of loss of househelp I guess that would be equated to the loss of another pair of hands. This reminds me of a piece of flair I have marked online, which says, "If evolution is true, mothers would have four hands by now."

I have had my share of yaya woes and painful departures, thankfully almost always in good terms. I even remember shedding some tears when Gelai's yaya (also of three years) left, because I found her very nice and kind. But she had to leave against her will because they have already saved up for her education.

A year into her college studies there were no more funds for her tuition, and she ended up being my Mama's private nurse for some time. She is now in her senior year in college and still gets to visit us whenever she gets a long vacation from school. We manage to keep in touch until now and consider her as part of our family. Kayla's yaya of five years also came back to us, this time as househelp for my in-laws' family.

The ratio of those coming back to us hoping to take their job back is high, after having searched for other jobs, or other employers, and realizing (as they claim) that it is very difficult to find a family like ours. That is also one legacy I am proud to pass on to my children: respect for others, even if they are working in our service.

Sometimes I see kids being mean to their yayas, and breathe a sigh of relief knowing my kids were raised another way. Our kids remain respectful and pleasant when talking to our yaya or to any helper in another place. I was also raised that way. Even when Mama was strict with chores and very particular with the way she wanted things done, I observed that she never treated them rudely or with any tinge of disrespect.

I show the same thing to my kids and thankfully they have learned by example. I think nannies and helpers are underpaid, basing on the average wages they get. They work from sun up to sun down, for monthly pay that sometimes have the same value of an expensive one time dinner out in a posh restaurant. If I were a lot richer I would want to pay my yayas so much more. They would have to wait though. But besides their pay, I think they really do appreciate the good treatment.

It seems my kids have accepted and have adjusted to Yaya Dang's departure faster than I have. We have treated her as part of our family for three years and with her gone, it is just like losing and missing a family member. But of course, we do not own them, and eventually they have to gain their lives back, and not forever be in our service. As is always the case, I wish her only the best in her next endeavor.

(serendipity.couch@gmail.com)