Milk lotion

I ENJOY going home to my uncle Butch’s house in San Juan, La Union. It’s almost like hotel living. Your own room, aircon, TV, WiFi. Eat all you can pa.

I particularly enjoy my aunt’s dresser filled with lotions and bodywashes of all kinds. Pasalubongs from friends and relatives from abroad, all addressed with a permanent pen, “To manang Lety,” and all untouched.

One particular lotion caught my attention because of its size. How much more Freudian can this get? It was the smallest among the bunch. I picked it up. [Brand] Milk Lotion, it said. Well nothing new there. Until I got to read the inscription at the bottom of the bottle. “Eliminates horniness in one minute.”

Whoa. Better stay off that. I guess that explains the size. I believe the giver was afraid of eliminating a life’s worth of horniness in one go. I took a mental note to warn my cousin. Just in case, he decides to ‘re-gift’ the wonder lotion or use it.

I remember covering former Senator Rodolfo Biazon in one his trips here to the city. He was one of the prime movers of the RH Bill. Consulting the story I did on this one, he said, “I am a devout Catholic but I am primarily a senator. I have in my heart the interest of all Filipinos. There is no contention here. Abortion is a sin but I think it is equally a sin to bring a child into the world without the means to ensure a bright future for him.”

This was a decade ago. Suffice to say the RH bill has gathered enough cobwebs to shame the one Frodo Baggins was caught in when he was captured by the giant spider in Mt. Mordor.

Meanwhile, apparently there was some obscure lab in China tinkering with God knows what animal’s milk and ‘cooking’ it into a contraceptive.

I wonder if sales are brisk and wonder more if people actually believe this marketing stunt. At least they’ll have smoother skin.

But until such time we are truly educated and given informed choices, we could always feed our babies ahm.