Human loving

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By Evangeline Murillo

Tea For Two

Thursday, February 20, 2014


THEY say that "...to love is good, to be loved is better, but to love and be loved is best." Thousands, even millions of books, stories, poems and songs have been written about love and more keep on coming because the world never runs out of ideas and experiences about loving, as the world never runs out of people being born and living life in many different ways. Love is a story and a theme hashed and rehashed from the beginning of time, till the end of mankind.

Why does love have such a power to mesmerize people, and make them do unimaginable things, to make wrong what is right, or to right what is wrong, and to turn the world upside down or to construct a beautiful Taj Majal, or to be able to write a poem that asks "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." How many men and women have fallen into the clutches of what they thought was "love," done what they would never have done before, and even die from the flimsiest ideas caused by loving?
The real score: The tragedy comes in part perhaps, because some, mistake lust and the pleasure of flirtation, the excitement and giddiness of chasing one another, and the seduction of fleeting and secret moments for the real kind of love. What does it take to know real love and to truly love? Dr. Laura Schlessinger says that real love is based on the basic 3 C's: character, courage and conscience. Character is the basis of an authentic relationship. "You are not what you say you are," she said.

"You're exactly what you do...To get a deeper sense of satisfaction you have to pay a price. You have to make commitments that you keep... A man is as good as his word." Words declared in commitment are those that bind and real character shows only when the person can go an extra mile to keep his spoken words alive and true. If you're uncommitted and not into a relationship, to delve into these may be a way of finding a future partner. But, if you're committed, whether married or not, stop, look and listen first. The stirrings of the body outside your commitment may be an omen of downfall, for you or your business or the health of your whole family... in all aspects, the mind, the body, the spirit. To take on with someone while you're still very much in another relationship is the unhealthiest form of exercise and the weakest decision a person can make.

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What about the excitement and the pleasure that people feel may by pass them if they don't take the chance at these? Like carpe diem, should they grab the first stirrings of romance, flirtation and all that go with them even if they are brought about by one who does not have a place in their lives yet? Or to put it straight, are stirrings of the flesh to be answered and thought about as love sweet love?

Today, media have popularized and focused on the pursuit of happiness as the main goal of life, without actually defining what happiness is. It's all "I want to be happy and being happy is feeling good. So, happiness is everyone's goal." This results to the mindless pursuit of pleasure and immediate gratification and taking the easy way out even when those actions produce ugly or uncomfortable life-altering consequences.

Personal values that guide people in the journey of life are not someone else's responsibility but their own. To choose not to honor these values compounds unhappiness. So, pursuing "happiness" based on the stirrings of the flesh and the excitement of the moment and the new experience, may not be the correct path to take. Many significant sages say this can be the beginning of the end...for you... your health, or your pocket and business, or for the destruction of your family, the people you love, as well as yourself. Meaning, the happiness you seek, may actually be the unhappiness and destruction of your person and your world. To discipline the craving for self-indulgence and to rise above temptation can make a person discover infinite pleasures, the true happiness of the body and the mind.

A strong character possesses the courage to say "no" to temptations that can destroy the future possibilities of being fully and happily, human, a creation of the Divine that has free will, and chooses to honor his word to maintain the joy and the peace of humanity within his own circle. A strong character has too, a conscience, a rightful one that has the power of discernment, the strength to wait and to think, and then to choose the good for the bond and the commitment he has taken.

The power of love is great, but many times people mistake lust for love and vice versa. Not because the body craves that love is there. Pleasures of the flesh simmer down from boiling as years pass, but the love nurtured by the years and the sacrifices that go with it, warm up more each year that passes. How enviable those couples are who grow old together. We see them around holding hands mincing their steps but helping each other and looking at each other with caring eyes. This is the love blessed by heaven. Time heals and seals love's most enduring qualities like loyalty, fidelity, awareness of each other each day that one lives.

No, the love or lust( ?) that jumps out of a commitment because of stirrings of the flesh is a sad manipulation of body chemicals. This is the start of a merry go round but also the end of true human loving. Keep calm and love on ...in an authentic way, Baguio.

Published in the Sun.Star Baguio newspaper on February 21, 2014.

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