'Condoming' the condom issue

FINALLY, the Vatican has 'condomed' the condom issue; virtually wrapping it safely, at least in so far as this e-gorot jazzer is concerned.

If only then-Department of Health (DOH) Secretary Juan Flavier was still actively declaring "Let's 'DOH' it!" like he did in the 90's, one of his lesser-known one-liners could have easily captured the 'PROphylactic' advocates' imagination in the 'NOW'.

Story was, before he stepped down as DOH secretary sometime in 1995, he visited mayor Morris Domogan and 'sang the blues'.

According to fellow columnist Ramon Dacawi, it was then that he punned, "I am coming home mayor... the Catholic Church have 'condomed' me without trial," replacing the verb 'condemned' with the witty 'condomed'.

Well, majority were already sympathetic to Flavier's advocacy promoting contraceptives as means to responsible parenthood then. In 1995, he was elected in Senate occupying second spot in the list of twenty-four.

Almost 15 years passed, it seems Flavier's 'condomed' earned new meaning with the recent quotable quote from Pope Benedict XVI that rocked the Vatican to the very foundations of its anti-birth control stance against the party balloon.

No longer is it a distortion of the word 'condemn'.

But rather, with the Vatican's declaration that condom use is 'lesser evil' than spreading HIV, Flavier's 'condomed' may now be used more fittingly to represent the word 'condone' with which it rhymes.

Hah, if only the seat of the highest officer of the land was up for grabs a week from now, I could almost be sure Dr. Flavier would be able to stand taller than any of 'em presidential wannabes.

Then, there is this thing about confusion about translations a propos the Papal diktat.

In the book, "Light of the World: The Pope, the Church and the Signs of the Times," the Pope was quoted as saying condom use by people such as male prostitutes suggested they were "['DOHing'] it more morally" by aiming to protect their partner from fatal infection.

Apparently, the comment indicated that he referred to homosexual trysts. But later, questions arose immediately about the Pope's meaning as the Italian translation used the feminine for prostitute; while the German version used the masculine.

Ahhh, easy.

I could almost hear Dr. Falvier laughing his heart out translating the Vatican's latest diktat in Filipino with gusto, "Mas malaking problema 'condomami' ang may HIV kaysa sa paggamit ng condom."

See, no distinction; simple; no problemo.