Are men afraid to commit?
By Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares
Singlestalk
Michelle: I read a very interesting article on the Internet: Afraid to commit: Young men want to wait on marriage. They want kids, houses and sex. And they want women, too—but not in the form of wives. Not until they’re older. So says the latest study to probe the minds of America’s young men, aged 25 to 33. The study found the top reasons men won’t commit—from the ease of finding sex partners to the desire to avoid financial risks of divorce. What can you say about this DJ? Are any of the reasons why you’re still single applicable?!
Darwin: Hmmm. A probing question with an answer that potentially makes me sound like a defensive 10-year-old! Men stay single for a variety of reasons. Flexibility, finance and economics are the usual suspects. Being married is figuratively synonymous to being tied up to a responsibility and not necessarily to a person. It’s possible that the demand is more than our current supply. This sounds selfish but a number of us do enjoy the freedom of having to consider no one but our self. We really can candidly factor all these possibilities in just two variables: readiness level and maturity. Fortunately or unfortunately, the decision to marry someone is still a choice only we can ultimately make.
M: Here are supposedly the top reasons why men won’t commit: (1) Men can get sex without marriage; (2) Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. Men think living together is a good way to test out a marriage prospect; and (3) Men fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. The men savor their freedom to enjoy hobbies, late nights out and freedom from extra financial burdens.
D: While casual sex, frankly speaking, is easier to come by if one isn’t hitched, this isn’t really our primary reason why we are not tying the knot. While a few of us are really misbehaving thus giving a majority of us a bad name…uhum…men are generally more responsible than what women think. Who knows? We’re just waiting for the right time till we have on extra-solid footing. It’s also possible that we are only closing on some responsibilities first–a sibling’s education for example–and we prefer not share this with someone else.
M: There also are men who are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn’t yet appeared. But there are also men who just want to enjoy a single life as long as they can. Men, as the study presented, fear losing their solitary pleasures by marrying. And they become accustomed to their own space and routines. They enjoy the freedom of not having to be responsible to anyone else. And personally, I find some of the reasons quite selfish.
D: We are honestly guilty of some selfish reasons. But we also have our selfless reasons. Marriage is not as simple as Alice’s desire to be in wonderland. It isn’t just about jumping at an opportunity to go, not to anywhere in particular, but just to go. Not all men are looking at marriage like little boys lost in the woods with more fear than hope in our mind. Some of us just have a cause to champion, but like Robin Hood, are open to possibilities and are just discerning for the right time. No study or person can absolutely tell us when is the right time or why we should. We cannot promise with our lips what we have not resolved yet in our mind. The answer ultimately lies within. Our purpose. Once we know she’s the right woman for the right man that we have already become, that’s when we also know that it is the right time. Otherwise, it’s still cool to choose to wait and see.
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