What is love?

WHEN you see a man and a woman walking with arms wrapped, what are your thoughts about them?

Most of my college students answered this statement with, “They are lovers.” Then some answered that they are just friends or they are cousins.

Adults, meanwhile, had varied answers: a father and daughter in a wedding, a male giving care to an old woman, a young woman leading a blind man, a male rescues a young woman who was under fire, male hostage-taker and female hostage.

Why do we have different answers to a one situation?

In psychology, the psychoanalytic theory gives us the concept or construct on projection. We perceive the external conscious world according to our own internal subconscious and unconscious experiences.

Impulses, desires, wishes, hidden realities and our past oftentimes manifest in the way we act, think and feel about things around us. An adolescent thinks of attraction, a police person thinks of work and of the hostage scenario, and the fireman sees a rescuer, the caregiver sees an old patient, and so on.

People with more frustrations in the past would tend to see the three spilt cups in front of the person in cloak (see photo a tarot card five of cups), but those who have some success and achievement would tend to point themselves to the two upright cups at the back.

One client sees a mistress (see photo) asking her lover to stay. When probed, she said she had fallen for a married man when she was younger. Her mother, further, had an affair.

Our behavior, our action and mental processes, at present, are pretty much determined. We project.

In this month of love, what are your thoughts about the word “lover”? Does a lover hold you back? Does a lover tempt you or hurt you? Does a lover give you freedom, excitement, and bliss? And what determines or affect your perception about a lover?

Even about God, whom we believe would give us the most unconditional love, can be very much influenced by the way we were with our parents and earliest caregivers. Does God never answer or always answer your prayers? Is it hard or never difficult for God to forgive your mistakes? Is God one who punishes or supports?

Sometimes, it is indeed helpful to look back, ask ourselves and then see another perspective -- one which is better.

And finally, we act, relate, treat and deal with others and our world better -- in a healthier and more responsible way.

(If you have comments or questions, you can leave a private message on my FB account Evan Mae ZP Contreras)