When kids are older and away-A A +A
Sunny Side Up
Friday, September 27, 2013
“SI MAMA.. ga-drama…” It was my son RB on the other end… and we were chatting about family matters.
I continued my litany of complaints, pouring it out to him, as if he were physically seated in front of me.
I miss those years when my kids were there still young. I would always find myself revisiting, reminiscing those years and their many loving, thoughtful, caring gestures. I keep their letters and notes, the handmade greeting cards, their drawings and poems, and put them in their individual, special boxes… the contents I would read, smiling, until my eyes become blurry with tears. It has become a routine, when I remember my kids who are away. How I miss them!
Before the ‘drama,’ I shared to RB my wish that they continue sending me text messages… and how I expect a call from them every now and then, for them to check on me, my assurance that somehow they remember me. Of course, they would send me intermittent send text messages, or would call once in a while, or leave messages on my FB. Maybe I was expecting more time and attention from my three kids who are now working in Manila. Am I being irrational, selfish? Am I expecting too much from my kids?
“But Mama, we know you are fine. We check on you through Facebook. We know when you’re happy, fulfilled, when you are busy, and when you constantly go on travel. Why do we still have to call you, or send you text messages?”
RB’s remarks all the more slapped my sensitive being and I could feel the lump on my throat… and anytime I would cry.
I continued my blabbering, and even forgot that he must be busy or perhaps not in the mood for my ‘drama.”
To cap my hurt feeling, I blurted out, “Maayo na lang naa akong mga DOST scholars—they make me feel needed, appreciated…”
The statement forced RB to respond, ‘Mama, who told you we don’t appreciate you? We appreciate who you are, what you did and what you continue to do to us. Were it not for you, we won’t be in this world. Were it not for your love, care, guidance, motherly sacrifices, we won’t be what we are now—professional, responsible citizens with good job, happy with the careers we have chosen…”
That appeased me and all I said was, “Thank you, Nak. I love you…” I wanted to hug him, then I remember he was not beside me.
A few seconds after, I found myself reflecting about my life. What has become of me? Why have I become so sensitive, so ‘dramatic’ at times? Has it something to do with age, with this another phase of life?
Indeed, I have countless reasons to be happy and grateful for. My three kids have graduated and flapping their own wings. Isn’t that what I have wished for? And now that that wish is realized, why do I have to expect them to continue to be who they once were, dependent on me?
Then something struck me: I have to accept the inescapable reality that someday, soon, my kids would be having their own family, have their own priorities. As a parent, I continue to be there for them, whether they still need me or not. I should not expect for their time and attention… as their time and attention would be directed to their own family, just like what I did.
I smiled… and daydreamed of that time when I would be a grandma— no fanfare, no drama.
Published in the Sun.Star Cagayan de Oro newspaper on September 27, 2013.