WHEN I was five years old, I distinctly remember my grandmother baking a cake for All Souls and All Saints Day.
This special cake was for my grandfather. Unfortunately, he won’t get to really enjoy it, as he was already very dead, buried six-feet-under in a cemetery in Cebu. This really moist, chocolate cake was placed, reverently if I might add, in front of our altar at home.
To a kid that young, it was difficult to accept that I wouldn’t get to eat even a sliver of my lola’s yummy cake. From my seat in our sala, I gazed longingly at it, my mouth watering with every minute I sat staring. I didn’t understand why no one was allowed to touch it. What a waste of one really moist, chocolate cake.
Since we won’t be able to go visit him, my grandmother said, my lolo was going to visit us instead.
“It’s our halad for your Daddy Lolo’s soul,” my grandmother said, “During this time of year, the spirits of our dead relatives get to visit us and we need to prepare their favorite food so that they would be happy.”
I didn’t really understand how that was possible. I knew what dead meant. Yes, I was five, but I was a smart five-year-old kid. I thought, how would my Daddy Lolo eat it, if he didn’t have a body to begin with.
Of course, there were other small dishes placed in front of the altar, all of my grandfather’s favorite food, but I couldn’t remember any of them as I had eyes only for that cake. I distinctly remember feeling sad for the said cake. To me, it sat forlornly among the other dishes, they all looked sad with nobody to appreciate them.
I knew for sure that I would have given it justice if only I had it on my lap. But I was just a kid, and no matter how I begged, cried, or tried to guilt trip my Lola Mommy, she never did give in. The cake, and the other dishes, remained in front of our altar.
The morning after, the first thing I did when I woke up was to check on the cake. To my surprise and horror, the cake was mostly gone. It must be really true. My grandfather’s spirit did come in the night to eat his cake. My grandmother offered the rest of it to me, but I refused. Seeing the mostly eaten cake scared the heck out of me.
For three more years, every November 1st, my grandmother would bake this special cake and on the 2nd, some of it would disappear. I never wanted any of the remaining cake.
However, my story doesn’t end there.
When I was nine, the said cake was baked. Again, it sat in front of our altar with all of my grandfather’s favorite dishes. At about one in the morning, I woke up, feeling the need to pee. When I got out of my room to go to the restroom, I saw that the television was still on and my grandmother was fast asleep on our couch. And in the dim light from the glowing TV screen, I also saw a fork in her hand and the half eaten cake sitting prettily on her lap.
With this memory in mind, I asked some people what they plan to do on November 1st and 2nd, and what traditions they still follow to honor their dead.
These are some of the things they shared:
“Going to the beach away from the crowd.” – Dexter Job Uy, Davao City
“One of two things: One, go home to Pagadian and visit my in-laws. Just going to church and have this mini sort of reunion with relatives; and two, stay in CdeO and visit my lola's grave at Oro Gardens. No traditions. Just keep vigil until late at night.” – Caravelle Togle-Barnido, Golden Village, Carmen, CdeO
“Mukaon biko ug binignit. Magsindi kandila sa menteryo dayun magbilin ug biko ug binignit sa pantsyon kay para pagkaon sa kalag dayon mag-ampo,” – Mimi Mellejor, Manila.
“Muadto’g probinsiya kung asa gipanglubong ang mga apohan og ubang mga nangamatay aron usab magkatapok ang mga nalayo. Managkot kada lubnganan, kung di makita asa gilubong managkot usab sa dako'ng krus. Ang hikayun nga mga pagkaon kay bingka, suman. Ihalad sa altar kauban sa ubang pagkaon sama sa pan, saging, humba, pinakupsan nga karne, saging, og vino para sa mga laki, og di usab kalimtan ang tubig. Dayun mangadye og inig human sawhan ang mga gilutong handa.” – Bonie Rafols of Kapatagan in Lanao del Norte
“We still make the halad-halad thing around here. I mean, we put food sa terrace, usually mga fave dishes, pulutan, etc., plus mainom sa mga dead relatives.” – Amy Charity Tuldanes of Cebu City said.
“It will be a busy week for us, preparing flowers and arranging flowers para sa client na mag order.” – Earl Christian Yap, Flower Shop owner in CdeO.
“Mag-biko!!!” – Deo Anthony Alcudia of Barra, Igpit, Opol, Misamis Oriental
“Since Nov. 1 kay Sunday, for sure wala mi work ana, so matulog ng matulog! Dayun mag-adto sa cemetery ug magkaon ug biko, tabirak, ug uban pa. Ana lang.” – Mechell Allen of CdeO.
“Work mode. It’s not a big thing here. Halloween is though.” – Joy Pozon of Redlands, California, USA.
“Lighting candles and decorating my grandparents' lot at Greenhills with white balloons have been a tradition for the past years. All of the “apos” should be present. After the cemetery visit, we all eat dinner together.” – Johanna Kristi Amper, CdeO
“Overnight sa Oro gardens with family nga super duper na ka crowded karon. Sipunon dayun pagkabuntag kay grabe fog and tun-og. Sauna gamay pa kaayo tao dadto way back year '95, scary pa kaayo everytime magovernight mi kay mingaw. Karun, bibo na.” – Georgienne Ella Ricare of Cagayan de Oro
“Muadto ug Gingoog kay didto gilubong akong father who died last July 24. Mangdagkot mi then magvisit pod with the relatives kay syempre that time mag-tapoktapok pod ang mga relative, mura ug reunion. Magdala ug flowers, candles tapos usually mag overnight mi didto sa menteryo,” Abegail Daguan of CdeO said.
“Magadto mi sa sementeryo kay para mag duaw sa akong mama. Magvigil mi para malipay pod siya nga naay naka dumdum sa iya.” – Rhiza Mae Alim also of CdeO said.
“Muadto sa akong uncle na namatay sa Gusa na lubong. Tapos mag shot-shot mi sa akog mga barkada.” – Kevin Jay Apilan, CdeO
“Mag duaw sa akong kuya, half-brother nako na tua sa Bolonsori tapos magrelax para energetic na sad sa November 2 kay back to work na. Magvisit lang mi just for three or four hours ug mag dala ug food ug flowers na maigo sa budget, mga favorite sa akong kuya like coke and dinuguan.” – Carl William Clarin, CdeO
“I’ll visit my father and my relatives, my lolo in Divine Shepherd probably on November 1 because we have work until the 31st. Before, we used to stay the night but now we just stay until 10 p.m. We prepare food and pray.” – Cristina Maagad, market development officer of Limketkai Mall
“We’ll go to Greenhills to visit our loved ones, all of them are there. I guess we’ll go early in the morning to do away with the traffic because November 2 is not a holiday so surely a lot will be visiting Divine Mercy and Greenhills on the 1st and it will cause a lot of traffic. We do the potluck. After we pray, we stay there, get together, and eat there. We also offer food to our love ones who have already departed.” – Atty. Ann Abbu, leasing officer, Limketkai Mall