Free to Love

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By Giano M. Libot

I have issues

Saturday, June 14, 2014


THERE is a sense of vindictiveness on the way we fall out of love. Often our initial struggles about the breaking apart of a relationship are riddled with grief and anger in a very horrid concoction. We seek justice for our broken souls, we want redemption at the highest cost, and most of the time the more we have loved the higher the price. They say the deepest of passions commands the deepest of hatred and the nasty 180 degree turn a former lover can have in our eyes is just what happens, the friend turned foe, the foe turned murderer, criminal and villain of all villains.

But why must it be this way? Perhaps in the destruction of what once was we are left blind of opportunities after. In one of my previous relationships my then ex-girlfriend lamented that at the late stages of our love for each other, she’d somehow forgotten how it was to be her, perhaps in the madness of loving someone we can often be victims of an automated romance of being and existing for the other, there certainly is no mistake in being selfless, but I guess in the dedication of the other, we lose a part of ourselves, and when the initial fire burns out, we are left reflecting and looking at ourselves in the mirror feeling less familiar of who we have become.

I guess this is why, during the turbulent parts my relationship I have often felt the rush of hatred against the other person, often feeling betrayed, that she removed herself carelessly out of the relationship, withdrawing from what I often viewed as a destined union. Newton’s third law of motion has never been more genuinely represented in our heads than in break-ups. “I can’t be the only ruined from this” is what we generally feel.

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But do we miss the point from all this? Maybe not, we are still at an age where love often comes at some kind of cost, a cost to a bit of our freedom, a bit to our identity, a bit of our lives. Often the act of “surrender” has been so idealized that it is the golden standard to any relationship, the kind of mold that society presses on other couples to comply, so when one party suddenly feels less realized by this process the act of getting away from what would be the full destruction of who she is, is seen as attack, or a lack of faithfulness to the process.

Though we shouldn’t judge, we’ve all been guilty at some point, sometimes there is drunkenness in the act of love, and relationships create a whirl where the world slows down, the perception of that slow dance where the world stops for the couple, where all that matters is you and her at that moment. But what happens next when the music stops, when the world continues to spin.

We aren’t all free to love; the question is not about our capacity, but our willingness to pay the price.

Published in the Sun.Star Cagayan de Oro newspaper on June 14, 2014.

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