Singelestalk: Cold or cool?

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Michelle (M): There’s this girl who was sexually active before her current relationship of three years. She’s making the move on her boyfriend and wants them to be physically intimate. But the guy isn’t responding. He tells her he respects her and wants them to wait and that means that they get married first.

She, on the other hand, cannot wait till they get married to find out if they’re sexually compatible because she wants to be certain that they are. Is he cold? Frankly, I have a high regard for the boyfriend for not taking advantage of the girl’s offer. But since the girl is asking what she should do, I suggest she ask her boyfriend when he plans to marry her. If his plans are not definite, I think it’s pretty obvious she’s not getting what she wants for now.

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Darwin John (DJ): Wow, this is a far cry from the time when boys and girls slept together only in trigonometry class!

Kidding aside, sex was not created by Playboy or some pervert hiding in the shadows of a porn site. Sex is designed and reserved for marriage where intimacy is expressed and cultivated. Like water, it is a gift. Tsunami is water out of control, and its effects are devastating.

I am in no position to judge her or anyone having sex outside marriage. But taking this case as it is excluding any possible reason other than the decision to be pure, this dude deserves a pat on the back. He’s like eating fire or walking on crushed bottles. It’s a tough act!

M: It used to be that women were conservative, modest and old-fashioned. Nowadays, the opposite seems to be the norm. I am still shocked on how early or how young couples are already physically intimate with one another. It seems relationships are dominated by sex or eroticism and not on real love. That’s why I am in favor of sex education (at a certain grade level) coupled with teachings on moral conduct to make young people aware of their responsibility and accountability.

They say if you can’t be good, be careful. I think the focus should not be on being careful but on being good. Sex education should mean that we teach young people that they don’t need to have sex to be worthy of love. If anything, they should know how to have a healthy relationship without sexual involvement to set them up for faithfulness in future relationships. This will also help them avoid consequences that can negatively impact their lives such as unplanned pregnancy, STDs, etc.

DJ: The angle on education reminds me about this second grader who came home from school and told her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.”

Her grandmother was shocked. “That’s interesting,” she said as she tried her darn best to keep her cool. “How do you make babies?” She asked.

“It’s simple,” replied the little girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘I’ and add ‘es.’” But seriously, single men and women like me should not kid ourselves that it can never happen to us. It can! It’s like burglary. If we think it can never happen to us, we’ll fail to take precautions to keep it from happening.

M: The girl should look at her situation as a time to enjoy a more secure relationship. I believe that women can relate with confidence and security towards men if she knows her value and worth as a person. The nature and quality of our relationships determine to a large extent our character and identity.

Celibacy makes a person free of encumbered relationships where they are unsure if someone really loves them for who they are or because they are participating in a sexual relationship explains Sean Covey, author of The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make in Life. In particular, if you are a woman, you don’t have to wonder if he loves you just because of your body and because you are having sex with him. You can know that he is attracted to you not only physically, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually. This also applies to men.

DJ: The rule of thumb is to be careful with what we expose ourselves to. It is harder to go on a diet if you’re always hanging out in a pastry shop. When it comes to sexual temptation, it pays to be a coward. She should be proud of her boyfriend. Now it’s up to her to see it that way or to see things her way. But I salute this dude. He is cool.