Singlestalk: Healing the day after tomorrow

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Michelle (M): As with all things broken, including hearts, they temporarily shut down to get fixed. The day right after a break-up is like a scene from The Day After Tomorrow. Remember that movie? People have a dazed look on their faces and with break ups, inevitably you have puffy red eyes and nose from all the crying. Women sometimes have it worse. The crying jag goes on for days, weeks, sometimes months! It ruins the appetite (which is good if you’re on diet) and takes away the zest for living. I think men have it easier. You just drown yourselves with San Mig and then forget about it.

Darwin John (DJ): Contrary to some misconceptions, men’s hearts can also be broken. We just don’t jump into the next wagon as soon as we’re done riding the other. But yes, some of us do. But we do assess ourselves and ask many questions what could have gone wrong when a relationship’s potential has been silenced for good. Sometimes, it’s a great struggle. Other times, it is just learning to patiently shelve it for the time not being right.

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M: Time heals all wounds they say. Even those deep ones caused to the heart. I agree with you, it’s best to assess what went wrong and why and then move on. It doesn’t do any good to wallow in unhappy events. Pain is inevitable but misery is optional.

DJ: When coping from a broken relationship, it is also good to spend several quiet moments. The contemplation phase provides clinical discernment of what you learned from the experience. But it is also imperative that you keep yourself busy.

Keep yourself active with recreation and diversion on a regular basis. Be more active with sports. Try scuba diving or rock climbing. Join a church group. Do whatever you kept on postponing while you were still in the relationship. If you have exhausted all your efforts to save what is left, step back and do your utmost to redirect your footsteps towards a more appropriate path.

M: The more appropriate path is the path of prayer, discernment and living life to the fullest. If we dwell too much on our pain, we become selfish and miserable – even causing misery to those around us. We shouldn’t forget that some people might be worse off than us and need our help to get them by. The fastest way to heal from a heartbreak is to be other-centered and not self-centered. Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving, preferably loving yourself first. After all, you cannot give what you do not have.

DJ: Never allow a broken relationship to break you. In the end we are defined by the sum of all our relationships and not by the most recent we had or by the next one we might have.

Take heart and take a chance. Keep on loving even when there’s not enough reason to love. Serendipity strikes more often on a roving person.