Singlestalk: Love lost?

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Michelle (M): It will be All Souls’ Day next week. Losing someone or something is very painful. Sometimes it feels as if the pain and the sadness will never go away. While these feelings may be overwhelming or frightening, it is part of a normal reaction to a loss. Though there is no right or wrong way to grieve, accepting those feelings as part of the process and allowing yourself to feel that way is necessary in order to heal.

Grief is often associated to death of a loved one. But I read somewhere that any loss can cause grief, including a relationship break-up, loss of health, loss of financial stability or loss of a job and loss of a friendship.

Have something to report? Tell us in text, photos or videos.

Darwin John (DJ): I remember a story about three buddies who died in a car accident. They went to heaven for an orientation where they were all asked, “When you were in your casket and friends and family were mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?”

The first guy said, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man.”

The second guy said, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference on our children of tomorrow.”

Then the last guy replied, “I would like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving’!” Seriously, grief is a normal internal feeling one experiences in reaction to a loss. But the bereavement period is usually short when there are less regrets, less could haves, should haves and would haves.

M: In an article about myths and facts about grief from the Center for Grief and Healing, one myth about grief is that the pain will go away faster if you ignore it. The fact is trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. Another myth is that if you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.

Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.

DJ: Like this guy who died and went to the gates of heaven where he was told, “I have looked at your book of life and you are welcome under one condition. You must spell the world ‘love’.” The guy spelled the word and was let into heaven. But as he was about to walk in, he was asked to temporarily watch the gate. And he was reminded that it is important that he must ask anyone who comes to correctly spell the word before he would let them in.

After a short period of time, the man’s wife showed up at the gate. He learned that she met an accident on the way home from the funeral and died on the spot. “Alright, but before you enter heaven you have to spell one word,” he told her. “And what word is that?” she asked. “Czechoslovakia,” he said.

Kidding aside, it is essential for a person to go through the grieving process. But we also have to encourage him or her to gather courage to move on and continue with his or her life. Life can be difficult sometimes. And if there’s something that should keep us company during our moments of grief, it’s our sense of humor and our faith that soon things will be okay.

M: A friend sent me an inspirational quote from Joel Osteen: “When you’re in difficult times, remember: either God is doing a work in you or He is using you to do a work in someone else. As long as you’re in faith, where you are is where you’re supposed to be.

“Quit fighting to go somewhere else. Be the best you can be right where you are. If you make the decision to bloom where you’re planted, you pass the test. God promises He will pour out His blessings and favor. You’ll not only live happy, but also God will take you places you’ve never even dreamed of.

DJ: At one point in our lives, we all go through the pain that comes with losing. But while we should not forget the people who left us, we should also strive to live for today. As someone wise once said, life isn’t just about waiting for the storm to pass. It’s also about learning how to dance in the rain.