Singlestalk: Dating Exit

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Michelle (M): Have you ever been in a bad date? What exit strategy did you come up with? In an internet article by Katie Heaney, pretending to get an emergency text or phone call is perhaps the most commonly used tool for leaving a date that’s going from bad to worse.

I cannot remember having been forced to bail out on a bad date simply because I have not been dating much! Still as Heaney wrote, it’s good to have some back-up plans in case of a true emergency. And unless you are an exceptional liar, the fake emergency phone call routine is getting a little obvious, and a little boring. She suggested some alternatives.

Have something to report? Tell us in text, photos or videos.

Self-sabotage: Start talking and literally never stop. This technique requires persistence, because some guys are going to be too polite (or maybe even too interested) to start running when they realize you have no intention of letting them speak any more. It might be a fun challenge to yourself, though. Example: “Do you think they extended the 100 Days To Heaven TV series because it was a better teleserye than Guns and Roses? Okay, I think Connie Reyes and that little girl, Xyriel something, are better than Bea Alonzo and Robin Padilla but don’t you just hate it that the series had to end? Maybe it should have been 300 days to heaven, or maybe 500.”

Darwin John (DJ): Things like this require creativity. Having a skill in acting doesn’t hurt. I know someone who excused himself from the table, went to the toilet, returned after around 15 minutes with beads of sweat on his forehead (which was really water) , told his date that he caught some kind of virus and would need to keep going.

There’s also this girl who asked her friend to act as her safety net. When the date went really bad, she sent a blank message which served as a signal for the friend to give her a call. Once executed, she went for the kill—“OMG, I’m sorry but my husband just called. I need to go.” Does white lie work? It does most of the time. But is it okay to do that? That’s the question.

M: Yeah, there’s also another bathroom strategy which involves grossing out your date. Go the bathroom. When you come back, tell him you threw up everywhere. It’s embarrassing, but also: who cares? You want to get out of there, don’t you? Or maybe you say that your LBM still didn’t stop! And you have to tell the manager that the toilet won’t flush. Or mid-dinner, as Heaney suggests, you can also look up, startled, at someone at a table nearby.

Pretend like you’re very afraid. When your date asks you what’s wrong, tell him you’ve just seen a hybrid. “Like a car?” he asks. “No!!” you whisper. “Like a half-man, half-alien, sent here to colonize the human population!” If he doesn’t ask for the bill immediately, then I think he might be an alien. And that’s your cue to run!

DJ: It’s quite challenging to find one’s self stuck on date that is painfully boring, awkward or when the whole thing is just going horribly wrong. This is exactly the reason why I don’t go for blind dates.

The risk is higher that you’ll end up with someone who is not interested with you or who does not interest you or both. So how can one possibly get out of dating hell? I think one will just have to ride it through the end. But make it quick. Going through a process which turns out to be different from what you expect is also a test and a lesson about character.

M: Seriously, the best and the most courteous thing to do is to grin and bear it; thank your date for the time spent and tell him or her frankly that you don’t think you will be going out again. Who knows, your date might think the same way and be more than glad that the date has finally come to an end.

DJ: Yup. One doesn’t have to tell someone she’s leaving because his brain appears to be on vacation. Be honest without being rude. Honesty does not require specific plans or codes. It’s just simply about living the truth. We all make mistakes. It is cool that we look at situations gone wrong, including dating, by making it right.