Singlestalk: Choices

Saturday, November 19, 2011

MICHELLE (M): To know but not to really know is a dilemma we all face. With so many choices and very little time to make the choice, we sometimes choose the easier path because it is convenient' only to find out that it is not something that we are happy with or what we really want. As a result, our initial easy choice becomes inconvenient for us and we are again faced with another dilemma.

Darwin John (DJ): It’s a tough and crisis-ridden world. We make decisions every day. It can go from something as simple as what to have for breakfast or which route to take going to the office to something as complex as which job offer to accept and who to spend our time with. We’re also faced with dilemmas—to accept the condition as they exist or to take the responsibility to change them. And whatever our decision is, we can’t escape its consequence.

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M: I sometimes have a hard time making up my mind. To help me make a decision, I consult those I trust; or I pray or both. We fear our decisions might be wrong or might not be the best decision, and it doesn’t help that some people are judgmental.

Societal rules also make it difficult for us not to conform. Sometimes, it’s easier to go with the flow. But then again, there are things that on first view are counter-culture but are actually right.

DJ: I think a good decision starts with clarity of purpose. What do you need or want to accomplish? Then you gather the facts. From there, you can determine your possible options and evaluate them with respect to your values, abilities and opportunities.

Check the possible consequences. Weigh the advantages over the disadvantages. Seek the opinions of people you trust. There might be areas which you haven’t thought about. Pray. Then go ahead, make the choice and see whether it was able to accomplish your end in mind.

I remember a story of Inday Shedy who went to the Husband Store to find a husband. The floor signs: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. Floor 2 – These man have jobs and love kids. Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good-looking.

But she was still compelled to keep going. So she decided to go to the fourth floor and saw this sign on the wall: Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with housework.

“Oh lookie!” she exclaimed, but still opted to go fifth floor. The sign: Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good-looking, help with housework and have a strong romantic streak. The options are already tempting for her, but she still decided to go to the sixth floor.

There she found this sign: Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely for those who are hard to please and can’t make up their minds.

Moral of the story? Take time and discern carefully your decisions, particularly those that are life-changing. But remember that there is such a thing as analysis paralysis. Know when it’s time to move forward and make that choice.

M: When we want to truly find ourselves, we don’t have to go searching far and wide. We can find ourselves in the silence of our hearts.

I miss retreats and recollections because they give me the opportunity to spend time with myself. It is not selfish to spend time with oneself. It is in fact healthy and life-giving.

Having too much on our plate can be exhausting. It is difficult to get away from the hustle and bustle of daily living. But we have to; otherwise, we run the risk of being depleted physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. As they say, we cannot give what we do not have. And we can only have what we can give if we are true to ourselves.

DJ: There are people whose options are seemingly narrowed by the circumstances of birth, social status and race.

They might have been born blind, deaf, mute or all of the above. But in each one of us is the power to decide to love life, to take pleasure from small offerings and to believe that indeed the world owes us nothing. There is power in our decision.

Yes, rolling stones gather no moss. But who the heck wants to gather moss at all times when being a rolling stone isn’t such a bad idea at all? We don’t always have the answers. But we can have fun trying to figure things out. Nothing is certain except death and taxes. But nothing is also impossible to those who believe.