Singlestalk: Dating in the dark

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Michelle: WHILE cable surfing last week, I came across a unique reality show, Dating in the Dark. Three men and three women are picked to live in separate parts of a house with a room shrouded in total darkness where these people “meet” and are tasked with undergoing various dating activities.
They do not see each other, but cameras with night-vision technology catch all the action. At the end of each episode, the contestants get a chance to see each other in the light of day, and decide whether or not to pursue their relationship. The premise of the show is interesting—getting to know someone in person without looks being the first issue to deal with.

DJ: But it’s true. Looks usually make the first impression. I sometimes face questioning looks from women who are seemingly surprised when they see me, as though someone had left my cage open. Yup, some of them think dudes like me don’t grow on trees. We swing from them!

Have something to report? Tell us in text, photos or videos.

Sure I wish more people think like modern-day Mother Teresa or Mahatma Gandhi and believe that attractiveness has nothing to do with our love for another human being. But I have learned to accept that one’s appearance—a steamy body part or a perfectly aligned facial feature—is the first thing that people usually notice. However, I also learned that looks alone can’t make a relationship last.

M: How much of chemistry is physical and how much is personality? If you bond first with someone’s personality, can you learn to be attracted to someone who turns out to be not your usual physical type?

While watching the show, I remembered an incident in college when my friends and I saw this really good-looking guy with an amazing body on board his speedboat. We were all kilig when the guy approached us. But when he spoke to invite us to ride his speedboat, we were all turned off because he had such a squeaky voice! Reminded me of Alvin and the Chipmunks!

We know that personality endures beyond looks and holds up over time. But sometimes even if a person has personality flaws, it is overlooked because that person is good looking. One friend dated a super-hot guy, but he turned out to be boring. She tried to work with it but eventually had to let go because his personality did not match his looks. 

DJ: Once there was a woman who looked at herself in the mirror. Then she turned and told her husband: “I feel horrible. From medium size, I am now supersize. And everything about my face and my body is sagging. I look ugly. Tell me something nice about me to make me feel better.” The husband replied, “Hon, I admire your eyesight. It’s still near perfect.”

But seriously, for people who keep the big picture in mind, they know that looks can and will fade. Personality, character and sense of humor matter too. Someone who is bad on the inside is hard to redeem by any amount of good looks if one intends to be in a relationship with her or him over the long haul.

M: Sometimes we get hung up on looks and forget about personality.  In one episode of Dating in the Dark, a good-looking guy did not get chosen by any of the three women because he came across as arrogant, picky and rude. When we get involved with someone just because he or she looks great, we realize that the balance of looks and personality may not be there. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But as they say, outer beauty without inner beauty is a sham. And if one is beautiful outside but ugly inside, that’s what I call a shame.

DJ: Attraction matters too. But let’s also keep in mind that a positive outlook, a kind heart and a mind that is centered on Who and what is essential make a person more attractive even when looks are not that great. Balance is still key when we see ourselves and others. At times, what matters most are not seen through the eyes but are experienced by the mind and felt by the heart.