Singlestalk: Cheating on Facebook

Saturday, January 7, 2012

MICHELLE: A woman asked me for my opinion on her concern. She said she found out that her husband had created another Facebook account using another name and that the second account had only his ex-girlfriend as his friend. Is her husband cheating on her, the woman asked?

Since I wanted to get further confirmation on my answer to her query, I asked some friends on their take on the scenario. One male friend said, “Yes, that is cheating because why would the guy hide his identity?” A female friend said, “Yes, that is a form of cheating. When a spouse creates an identity that he assumes in order to communicate with an ex in a social networking site, that is cyber adultery.” What say you, DJ?

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DJ: There was a story of a wife who suspected her husband of cheating. So she bought a gun, went to follow him and caught him in the arms of another woman. She was very angry and was filled with grief. She opened her purse to take out the gun and pointed it to her head. The husband yelled, “No, honey. Don’t do it.” The wife hysterically shouted, “Shut up. You’re next!”

Seriously, it’s possible that your friend’s husband was only curious about his ex, although it’s odd that he had to assume another person’s identity. But your friend should not be overcome with emotion. It’s best that she remain objective. Yup, the social media has added a new dimension to personal relationships. Cheating through Facebook is now a growing possibility.

M: A lawyer friend commented that “there is a big chance that the husband is cheating on his wife. Otherwise, he would not hide it from his wife and create another account. Indiscretions like that mean something is brewing.”

In an article in an online magazine, the writer, a woman, wrote that through FB, she was able to embark on a “fact-finding” mission to get details about her ex-boyfriend, including where he lived, what he did, how he looked, who he had married. She wrote that over time, her casual curiosity developed into a distracting compulsion that waxed and waned in intensity. In the case of the husband, could he just be curious about what happened to his ex, or is he cheating or about to?

DJ: It is probable that he’s cheating. Recent studies show the following behavior or changes often seen in social media cheats just as conventional affairs leave a trail of receipts to resorts you’ve never been to: (1) He or she suddenly turns the screen away or clicks on “close” as soon as you walk into the room. (2) A sudden reluctance to talk about an online friend when he or she once enjoyed discussing friends’ photos, shoutouts or trips. (3) The browser history is suspiciously empty. These three are indicators of something that’s happening that he or she doesn’t want you to know about.

M: Social networking has evolved into something that is prone to misuse or abuse. I can understand why some people want to search about their past relationships, especially for those who did not have closure. But to spend time and energy to still know what happened to former partners, especially relationships that ended badly, it’s pointless and frankly, disturbing.

As my male friend commented, the husband’s creating another account to get in touch with his ex is such a lame way to cheat on the wife and for someone to do that, it was dumb and unwise. It really makes one wonder why they do it after all?

DJ: A recent survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers showed that 81 percent of its members in the last five years used social-networking information as evidence of infidelity. And 66 percent used Facebook. I do not agree, though, that social media is the root of all this cheating. I think it’s like almost every opportunity we have at hand. The decision to use it for good or evil is still largely up to us. Facebook is both a power and a responsibility.