Singlestalk: Faithfulness to spouse, not just to Sto. Niño

Saturday, January 14, 2012

MICHELLE: This year’s celebration of the Feast of the Señor Sto. Nino and the Black Nazarene is a tangible expression of our people’s faith. I am always touched when I hear Bato Balani sa Gugma sung and people waving their hands in front of the image of the Sto. Nino.

There is no doubt that we are a religious nation and our faith is strong even in the face of adversity. And yet I wonder why people who are faithful or loyal to God who they do not see, can be unfaithful to the people around them—especially their spouses, family members or loved ones.

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Infidelity is one of the most wrenching experiences a couple can endure. It can destroy families and crush spirits. It causes pain not just to the betrayed, but also to the cheater. So why do people do it? The reasons are said to fall into two main categories. The first has to do with the relationship—there’s either an emotional disconnection or lack of intimacy. The second reason has nothing to do with the couple. Rather, one partner simply wants the excitement of an affair, needs an ego boost, or just feels entitled to have more fun.

DJ: In cases like those, trust is important and I refer to the virtue and not the prophylactic. My father taught me the value of trust. It is almost absolute. Once it’s broken, people can still put things back together and make it whole but it will never be the same again. I think that’s one of the many solid foundations in every relationship. Women tend to label men as womanizers, but there are women too who find it difficult to remain faithful to their men. And reasons vary from a major falling out to a full moon on a certain night that produced some really weird energy!

M: I read an article that says that in general, men are more likely to cheat for more superficial reasons, like the need for excitement, while women are more likely to stray if there is serious trouble in the relationship. Where in the past, the traditional male affair was primarily sexual, now there are also emotional affairs (meaning their feelings for the “other woman” go beyond just the sexual) with female coworkers and friends and online affairs. There is also an alarming trend as women are also having more affairs. One reason is that women now feel more entitled to enjoy their sexuality.

DJ: What we do not realize is that the more obsessed we are in exercising our freedom by indulging our wants, the more we are restricted because of our attachment to all these. I have learned my lesson. The thrill it brings is never worth the tension that comes with it. Besides, our noses could grow by a foot with all the lying involved! One should never jeopardize a blessed relationship simply for a new kick. When the buzz wears off, we’re left with crap, and this is not a pleasant shock. If one decides to stay in a committed relationship, then one has to do whatever is expected to be done in one. Life is not a one-night party but a lifelong journey.

M: Our lives must be grounded on values like faith and trust, and we should see love not merely as a feeling but a commitment. If we have good relationships, we are less likely to jeopardize them. But we must remember that it is essential that we have moral and spiritual values because they don’t restrict, they protect. Faithfulness should not just be in religious celebrations but lived out in the day-to-day details of our lives. Let’s keep the faith!