Moises and Mendez-Palmares: Throw fellow

Michelle: There’s an interesting article on “Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig.” Why get into a relationship in the first place when one wants to bail out? One reason why guys bolt from the relationship is that the timing is off. Single women get serious when they meet the right man. Single men get serious with whomever they happen to be dating when they’re finally ready to settle down.

DJ: But don’t they mean almost the same thing? One gets serious when she meets the right person. The other one gets serious when he’s ready to settle down. Sounds fair to me. It’s really when we make sweeping generalizations when things begin to sour. All generalizations are false, including this one. Pain is almost always an inherent part of any relationship. And it is okay to cool things off if it’s not working and will never work.

M: Upgrading is another reason why guys get out of a relationship. The article states that as with computers, cellular phones and other gadgets, single men tend to be one-uppers. If there’s a possibility of upgrading what they already have for something better, they will not hesitate to upgrade. In addition to their opportunistic tendencies (the author’s words), most guys feel compelled to put as many relationship conquests under their belts as possible. Why?

DJ: We never know. These guys might have really said no. But these women just did not listen! But seriously, who is not really up to a possible upgrade? The truth is, love seizes to be just a feeling once we grow older. And it is when we become wiser when love also becomes a decision. One’s feelings are always part of the equation, but ultimately, leaving is a decision one has to make. So is staying. But here’s the thing. Some of life’s difficult questions have easy answers. What we only need to do is to own it and deal with its possible consequence. Because if we really can’t make up our mind, even life’s seemingly easy questions will always have difficult answers.

M: Ok, so agree or disagree with me on Reason No. 3: “Guys are fixated on the worst-case scenario.” The article cites that from the time the woman nags the guy for something he did wrong, to those instances where the woman eats a whole pint of ice cream without stopping to breathe, guys file each incident in a mental folder labeled “Evidence She’ll Change for the Worse.” They then flip through that file whenever they’re trying to decide if they want to hang on to the relationship.

DJ: Every relationship hits a plateau. And sometimes it’s not a plateau anymore. It’s the end. How long a couple has been dating shouldn’t always be a gauge of whether the relationship is worth saving. A good relationship is never free from complexities embroidered with pain and sacrifice. But it’s also important to know when to back off and start spending time with people one is happy to be with.

M: The author wrote that the most common reason guys bolt is that just because a guy likes a girl a lot isn’t a guarantee that it will evolve into love. And that guys are surprisingly intuitive when it comes to figuring out a girl’s potential on this front. Really? So why do they invest any time in a relationship that they know will ultimately end? Is it because: (1) they’re scumbags; (2) they’re egoistic; or (3) as what the author opines—guys are able to live in the moment for a while and chalk it up to a good experience?

DJ: A woman should never assume that something special’s going on unless the guy tells her that he loves her. A guy should not also take a woman for a ride if he doesn’t have an end in mind. If he can’t stop his anime instinct, it is better that he play only with toys that do not have thoughts and feelings. He needs to be direct and deliberate at least in his words and actions if he is not really into her.

M: Sounds fair to me. The last reason why guys dump girls they dig is they’re too into the girl. Guys are allegedly protective of their emotions and are scared of being hurt. So that if a guy starts to feel like he’s getting into a situation where he’ll be destroyed if the girl dumps him, he might launch a preemptive strike and dump her first.

DJ: Yeah, there are guys who deliberately do things just to free themselves from a possible consequence. But why should women also allow these Martians to hijack their self-esteem? They should go for the good guys who are clear about things. If a guy is always unavailable, it’s not because he is busy or shy. It simply means it’s time to move on. He is not interested. We live in a world where we have no choice but to make a choice. What we can do is to make the most out of what is within our control.

(ssinglestalk@yahoo.com)