Moises and Mendez-Palmares: When the feeling is gone-A A +A
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Michelle: All good things must come to an end. Does this mean to say that if one’s relationship is not so good, it might not come to an end? Hmm…interesting thought huh? Anyway, I once was asked what if one party to a relationship wants to call it quits. For what reason? Sometimes for no reason at all.
If love has reasons which reason itself does not know, it is possible to fall out of love for no reason at all. Personally, I don’t believe that. There has got to be a cause for a relationship to lose steam. Irreconcilable differences, personal issues (with the trademark line—it’s not you; it’s me. Or the more probable reason it’s not you—it’s her)!
DJ: Losing steam is always a possibility in any relationship. What holds everything together is the depth of commitment. Love is more of a decision rather than just a feeling. And the strength of a relationship depends on how a couple who are in it can withstand the test of time—for better or worse, for richer or poorer.
Of course, not to the extent of turning the entire thing into a lie. There is no perfect relationship. What matters most is how a couple works through these imperfections until the worse becomes better, the poorer becomes richer.
M: At the beginning, when everything is exciting and new, the heat is on. But nearing its end when flames are slowly dying and the throes of passion are gone, it’s goodbye or worse, good riddance!
Cliché as it may sound, it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. For me, what’s better than best is to have loved much and having experienced being loved, to learn to love more. It may be the same person, maybe not. If things don’t work out between the two of you, then end things amicably, go your separate ways and learn to love again.
DJ: When a dating relationship is in the grips of a looming break-up, deciding when to fight for it or to call it quits can be a daunting task. Here are areas to consider:
1. Are they still both committed to make it work? If they still care about each other and their commitment, then it’s a good idea to go the distance. But if one has already given up, then it’s most likely the end of the road. Part of loving is letting a person go because he or she doesn’t love you anymore.
2. Are they going on opposite directions? If their priorities, plans and goals in life are misaligned, they might check the likelihood of them arriving at the same destination. What’s the point of being in a relationship when they are spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally apart?
3. Does the good outweigh the bad? Are the fights getting to be more frequent, complicated and unresolved. If much of your time together is more negative than positive, then the relationship is already suspended in a frozen abyss.
M: The best time to call it quits in a dating relationship is when you feel that staying on will no longer be good for both of you. If you make each other miserable then end the agony. All of us have a choice. We don’t have to despair. There’s a reason and a season for everything: A time to love, a time to not love; a time to hold on, a time to let go; a time to begin, a time to end. To parody Thomas Dylan or is it Dylan Thomas: Go gently into the night. Rage not against the one you loved and lost but take courage and be brave. And though this is easier said than done, let go and let God. Let Him work out the details of His plan in your life.
DJ: Most of our disappointments are brought by our unmet expectations. A dating relationship is a partnership of two imperfect people who bring out the best from each other. There are reasons for holding on and letting go.
Everything and everyone will soon come to pass. Eventually, we leave or are left behind. We can’t go back. But we can always move on. Pray, discern and take that leap of faith!
Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on August 19, 2012.