Luab: When there are no answers

WHY do other people suffer for a long time in hospitals while others do not? Why do people’s hearts break while others spend the rest of their lives in marital bliss? Why do some young people die suddenly while others reach their 80s or 90s? If I knew the answers I would no longer be walking this earth. I’d be up there where all things become known.

There were times when I stood at the bedside of people in their last stage of life. Others go gasping for breath and moaning in pain, while others just close their eyes peacefully and go. Up to this writing, I know there are hundreds of suffering souls, either in the hospitals or at home. I wish we could do away with pain, but you and I know that as long as we live, we cannot escape pain in the same way that joy does visit us too. So, what next?

I’ve seen wives suffer at the hands of philandering husbands, like Hilda Coronel did in the movie The Mistress. But did she leave him? No! Why not? Because she loved him. Was she a doormat to be stepped on? She was not, as shown when she fought for him. Do I approve of what she did? I don’t. But I understand why women like her stick it out “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health and till death do us part!” Are they wrong in living up to their commitment? Again I don’t know. There are guidance counselors and psychiatrists one can go to. Perhaps they know the answers.

For example, there have always been two sides to loving. “It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” The other side is “It is better not to have loved than having known love lost it!” Again I dare not take sides because I don’t know which one is the better advice!

There are a thousand questions that up to this day I have no answers to. What I do know, however, is that we can always (according to Sister Perry Inso of the Cenacle Sisters) take time out to reflect when it comes to questions we ask ourselves, such as: “Why was I hurt?” and “Did I deserve to be hurt?”

We have to look at a very objective description of our experience. We have also to reflect on how we reacted. These words of wisdom were meant to help the Bible group to individually deal with pain. Sister encouraged us to move forward, to continue to being a loving person, to go beyond ourselves to be fully human. I can only speak for myself because the first thought that came to my mind was: “Okay. However, this is easier said than done!” I guess for many of us, we can only go deeper in faith and ask God for His grace to forgive, to forget and to understand.

Actually in this lifetime journey of ours, we will meet several instances when an experience will be an opportunity for transformation. With transformation comes growth.

Unanswered questions will always be there. I remember reading about the question of a little girl, which she asked the pastor of her church. She asked” “Father, you said that when the body dies, the soul leaves the body to search for God. But you said several times that God is in our soul. So why will the soul search for God when God is already in our soul?”

The pastor did not know how to explain such a complex question to a little child. So he answered her this way: “You know, young lady, that question too I need to understand better. So can you give me more time to think about your question so I can give you an answer you can understand?” He was thinking about the time when she would be older. She in turn was thinking of the time when his soul would leave his body. So trustingly she said, "Okay, Father, when you die, you let me know the answer!"

So I guess the awareness that there is a greater Being we can trust to answer the questions for us is there. I have always known that when certain questions come my way with no answers, I lift my doubts to the One who knows everything and who understands my dilemma.

One day, all will be clear to us. In the meantime, let us just accept the fact that we all do have unanswered questions. Let us just have faith that a loving God sees deep into our minds and heart and one day, all will be well.