Singlestalk: Why weight

M: I found a very interesting article: “Woman fat, man thin? Could be a rocky road, claims new study.” It said that mixed-weight couples have rockier relationships than same-weight couples. What’s more interesting is that the problems only seem to crop up when it’s the woman who’s overweight, and not the other way around.

Thank God the hubby and I don’t have that problem as we are more or less in the same heavy-weight category! A senior therapist for the Council of Relationships based in Philadelphia said that “however many advances we have made, body image issues abound, and women, unfortunately, are more vulnerable to the societal pressures.” When it comes to being overweight, then, “that makes it harder in a relationship for the woman and easier for the man.”

In a study they conducted, the findings showed that when just the man was overweight, couples reported no more conflict than same-weight couples.

DJ: Ask Men’s annual survey revealed that half of the male respondents said they’d dump a girlfriend who’ll get fat. Twenty percent of the female respondents say they’ll ditch their boyfriend if ever he gets fat. This tells us that weight has bearing to men more than it matters to women.

But overall, weight counts.

My take? Dating a fat girl is the same as dating any other girl. As long as she has a sound body image even with occasional cross-section cruelty she has to deal with from pea-brained peeps, having a relationship with her is far from a nuclear meltdown. If there’s something I should be concerned about, it’s her health.

M: Women generally are more self-conscious about their weight as a result of cultural or societal expectations. Some men also think that their partner should be thinner. There’s a guy who made a big deal about his girlfriends weight that months prior to their wedding, the woman backed out because she couldn’t take his criticisms.

Usually also when there are conflicts in a relationship, women have the tendency to eat more in order to cope, thus the term “emotional eating.”

What I find not so fair is when a not-so-fit (OK, overweight) guy can be in the company of a sexy and attractive woman and people think it’s normal or acceptable compared to a big (OK, fat) girl who has a hunk of a boyfriend and tongues start wagging.

DJ: While “desserts” is “stressed” spelled backwards, it is not advisable to combat stress with food. It’s been said that if a person doesn’t want to count chins, then he or she should count calories! The one who indulges bulges. Calories consumed should balance with calories used.

Know when to say no to spicy lechon, limit intake of sugar, junk food, and increase consumption of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, nuts and levels of physical activity. Besides, regular exercise boosts self-esteem, self-image and energy levels. It’s natural to want to look our best.

Keep in mind, though, that healthy body is not always linked to appearance. It comes in all shapes and sizes. So smile. Be confident. Stay positive.

Remember always that someone as awesome as you deserves an equally awesome person who loves you not by how you look but for who you are.

M: It’s really an issue when there are differences that cannot be managed, including weight or fitness levels. Simone de Beauvoir, the French writer, feminist, and social theorist said “to lose confidence in one’s body is to lose confidence in oneself.”

In a way it is true. If you look good, you feel good and if you feel good, you do good. However, the numbers on the scale should not be an indication of one’s self-worth. Unfortunately, the reality is that appearance matters. But it need not be a deal breaker in a relationship.

An overweight partner may feel insecure, resentful or angry, which could exacerbate other problems in a relationship, including jealousy and trust issues. But even couples who are fit also have fits of jealousy caused by mistrust because there’s always someone who is prettier, sexier, etc.

Managing one’s weight and trying to become fit will not solve all the problems but it is a good start—to healing oneself and loving oneself. It’s difficult to lose weight. Many of us have our own battles with the bulge. But let’s not give up. “Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.” That’s by Marilyn Vos Savant.

DJ: Ultimately, there’s really no one size that fits all when we’re talking about relationships. Everything still boils down to how much love we have in us. As they say, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

(ssinglestalk@yahoo.com)