Singlestalk: Someone else-A A +A
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Michelle: Dishonesty is so common these days that I am appalled that many seem to think it is already the norm. Look at our politicians who are suddenly quiet about the pork barrel scandal. Worse, some people don’t seem to care anymore. Short term memory loss is not just a problem of the aged and infirm. We are a nation without anger. And according to Jorge Santayana “a nation without anger is doomed to a repetition of its history.”
Take this woman’s dilemma. She’s 36, married, working in a call center, with one child and a philandering husband. She met a guy who she is starting to like—33, works in an insurance firm and according to her, a gentleman. She’s wondering if she should pursue their relationship. I think it should be pretty clear to her that engaging in an illicit affair is wrong, even if her husband is philandering. Why further complicate her already complicated situation? Dishonesty in any form should not be acceptable. But why are we so quick to make excuses for it?
DJ: A wrong can’t be made right with another wrong. Sure, her husband is on the throes of a hot new romance. But that doesn’t give her an excuse not to be an ideal mother to her child. Let me make this clear—I don’t advocate couples staying together only for a child’s sake.
A kid, I think, would rather be from a broken home than live in one. He or she is happier with a well-adjusted and thriving parent than stress with parents who are cheating, lying and fighting. What I am suggesting is she deals with her marital problems first before clouding it further by involving another guy into what’s already a complicated equation.
M: According to the National Enquirer, Tiger Woods wants to remarry his ex-wife Erin Nordegren and that Tiger even proposed to her over Christmas. Nordegren is reportedly considering the proposal but wants a $350 million anti-cheating clause added to the contract.
Woods’ proposed deal reportedly is worth over half of his estimated $600 million fortune but according to the article Tiger didn’t even balk at the demand and he’s ready to sign the pre-nup and set a wedding date. What an expensive way to teach a cheater a lesson! But even a million dollar prenup does not guarantee faithfulness. Being faithful means to be rooted in love and respect for yourself, for others and for the Supreme Being who is always faithful despite our unfaithfulness.
DJ: I deeply respect the commitment one makes in marriage—to love and to hold for better or worse. In her case, this is the worse part. It’s catastrophic. But I also think it takes two to make a marriage work. Someday, somehow, somewhere is a point where one might just have to draw the line. She has to use her intellect as much as her heart.
Life is not always about what feels good. She’s married and with child, and she has a commitment that far transcends what feels good. I suggest she takes her time to weigh things over, pray, consult her family, godparents or the few people whose discernment and opinion she trusts, listen, then decide to do the right thing.
M: We each have to take responsibility for our actions and we should be accountable for the things that we do or do not do when it is expected of us. The marriage vows on honesty and faithfulness are not discretionary, unrestricted or flexible, just like how some politicians and bogus non-government organization’s think of the PDAF funds. If one cannot live by what he or she promised before God and man, then better to legally and validly end one’s current relationship.
Cut clean and clear. Just because you’re being cheated on does not excuse becoming a cheater yourself. Don’t just think of your feelings. They are fleeting. Being in a committed relationship takes a lot of work and loving is never just about emotions. It is a decision. Decide not just thinking about yourself. Think about your child and your family. As the Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen and Professionals (BCBP) main advocacy states: "Be Honest. Even If Others Are Not. Even If Others Will Not. Even If Others Cannot (sic)."
DJ: Time heals nothing. It’s what she does with her time that matters. This isn’t just about her. And I pray she’ll make a choice that’s right for her, her child and even for her husband.
Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on August 25, 2013.