Singlestalk: Let's talk about sex-A A +A
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Michelle: The first time I attended a meeting of all Sun.Star Cebu columnists two weeks ago, not only did I have the privilege of meeting and talking to some of the other columnists who I look up to, I also learned so many things, including the demographics of Sun.Star newspaper’s readers: predominantly male, 45 to 60 years old, college educated or with masters or doctorate degrees.
I also learned that the top issues or topics were features about sex. I was wondering how these info would translate to our Singlestalk column when our lifestyle editor told me, “You can write about sex.” This got me thinking: How does a single person handle his or her sex drive in a healthy way these days? For some people this really isn’t an issue—just go get some! However, I
don’t really agree to this school of thought as it leads to serious and sometimes unwanted consequences. What say you, DJ?
DJ: I respect everyone’s right to choose what they think is right for them. In my case as a single person, abstaining from sex is like an apprenticeship to fidelity. Life is also about hard choices. It’s like stealing from the pork barrel. Tempting. It’s like refusing a million peso bribe.
Tough. But experience tells us that life becomes better when we are in control of our passions rather than them having control over us. And the more we practice saying “no” is like building our muscles. Eventually, we’ll have more strength and stamina to withstand the pressure to buckle down when we train and practice hard enough over a period of time.
M: I’m sure that there are still virgins and those who practice abstinence in this day and age and I honor them for that. The norm these days are advice on safe sex—“if you can’t be good, be careful.” In our sex crazed society people view those who decide to remain pure as anomalies and perceive them as pent-up or repressed. In a blog written by a divorced Catholic, she wrote that “healthy sexuality these days usually means none other than cautious promiscuity—using contraception to prevent pregnancy and condoms against STDs.”
She also identified that sexual urges are the strongest when she feels the loneliest. That’s why she wrote that she tries really hard not to let those feelings get the best of her which means a good deal of her energies is spent keeping herself occupied. For those who are married, let’s be honest, having a spouse does not mean you will no longer have to deal with sexual frustrations. I bet the reason why sex stories sell and make it to No. 1 in top trending topics is because we all feel unfulfilled in one way or another, and not just physically. So what do you do other than take a cold shower to deal with sexual urges?
DJ: I think it’s about avoiding the very situation that makes it hard for us to say “no.” I guess that’s how it is in almost all things in life. If you’re trying to control your sugar intake as an example, then skip La Marea. And don’t hang out in a Pocherohan if you’re trying to pass up on pork.
In the context of staying chaste, this means it’s wise for a single dating couple to spend time together in well-lit public places that where it’s easier to keep their clothes on, their feet on the floor, and their hands off someone’s genitals. Yup, steer clear
of anything that arouses you to the point of no return. Avoid the trap of the slippery slope.
M: On a totally unrelated topic, Sun.Star online readers are between ages 15 and 60 plus so unlike the newspaper (hard opy) readers, these younger readers might not have sex in mind so much or as much. But I could be wrong. Social media has allowed us unimpeded, unrestricted access to anything or everything one can see online, including pornography. So, how do we deal with all these sexualization? Here in Singlestalk, we can talk about it. Share us your thoughts.
DJ: Talking about sex is cool. Studies show teens who talk to their parents about sex are more likely to delay the experience until the right time comes. Sure, it’s not comfortable. Parents are mortified and children feel awkward. It’s like a scene lifted straight from The American Pie.
But learning about sexuality is a normal part of any person’s development. And it’s works best when done in an honest, straight-forward but appropriate way. Want to talk about sex? Bring it on.
Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on September 01, 2013.