Singlestalk: Hear, hear-A A +A
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Michelle: Women complain that it’s hard to get a guy’s attention. The attention that women want from men isn’t just the physical aspect.
Women actually want men who will listen to them, understand them, and accept them for who they are and not what they look like.
But some men are just so dense. They don’t know what women want and for good reason. Some women don’t even know what they want. Men are not mind readers to know what’s on a woman’s mind.
DJ: Guys, to an extent, have continuous partial attention. But think about the weight on our shoulders—the pressure to provide, to lead, to take responsibility.
So when we sometimes seem to have a force field around us, we’re not insensitive. We just want to switch off our brain and take things easy. No profound explanation. We’re just tired.
On the flip side, recent studies do show a rise in people—men and women—who are highly connected but are dreadfully disconnected. They’re continuously distracted by Tweets, sporadic alert tones and buzzes.
M: Lack of attention in either men or women is not because of lack of interest but maybe because of too much that’s going on around them. Some women are prone to partial attention and that is true, chiefly because when woman has so much going on, it can be that nothing’s really happening.
It’s like going around in circles chasing your own shadow.
DJ: At times I simply had to adapt to a momentary silence in order for people to focus on their non-physically present friends.
I remember a friend who went on a blind date. He was intensely talking about the pork barrel scam while she was also intermittently texting someone who seemed to interest her more. Then out of nowhere she asked him what he thought about her lips. So how did the night end? Very early.
M: I think it’s discourteous to text or fiddle with our mobile phones while we are talking with someone and it’s awkward when we go off tangent in a conversation.
The fact is women talk too much sometimes and men—while they don’t listen at times—probably it’s because they’re turned off with all the noise the woman is making!
DJ: We have to let go of the me-first attitude and be more interested about others. Strive to understand rather than to be understood.
Listen. And listen well. As this proverb says, “He who speaks sows, he who listens reaps.”
Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on September 29, 2013.