Singlestalk: Romeo and Juliet-A A +A
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Michelle: Unlike Shakespeare’s tragic love story, Romeo, who is in a two-year relationship with Juliet, thinks that while they’re doing generally okay, they seem not to connect well. According to him there is no spark in their conversations.
Romeo shares that they both have stable jobs in a bank, they’re both in their mid-20s and Juliet is pretty. His dilemma is that if he will let Juliet go, she will likely find a replacement because she has a lot of suitors. What should he do? Alas, Romeo, I think there’s nothing wrong with your Juliet. I think the problem is with you. What do you want in your relationship and what have you done to try to improve it? If there is no spark in your conversations with Juliet, have you told her about it? A spark is fleeting and a relationship needs more than a spark to get it going.
DJ: Greetings from Paris, Mic! It’s smart for Romeo to think things over instead of just going with the flow like a lifeless shrimp. At least this dude is man enough to admit that something’s missing, and wise enough to realize that while he can’t buy love, he can pay heavily for it.
Choosing a lifetime partner can be not just Romeo’s but also Juliet’s joy or pain. But I suggest that he set aside, for now, worrying about the number of guys on queue for Juliet’s affection. The real question here is whether they’re happy together that he’s sufficiently convinced that she’s the woman he can put a ring around her finger to love and to hold for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for better or worse, for life!
M: I think it is selfish to think that if you let Juliet go, she will not find your replacement from among her many suitors.
It’s up to her, not up to you. If you let her go, there’s no stopping her if she wants to “replace” you in her heart. However, before you think of ending a two-year relationship for lack of “sparkling” conversation, may I suggest that you really think what your essentials in a relationship are?
My dad has a corny, but I think valid, advice about the importance of communication in a relationship. He said, “It’s important to talk but if talking does not work, try touching!” In The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, a 1995 book by Gary Chapman, there is an outline of the five ways to express and experience love that Chapman calls “love languages”: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch. Might it be that Juliet’s expression of love is different from yours?
DJ: It seems like Juliet is attractive. But it appears like this is not enough for Romeo. Of course a relationship is not just about an itch that needs scratching. So why is there a lack in spark? Do they know each other enough? Missing on important dates or even favorite picks can be relationship irritants. Do they share a common interest? Opposite attracts. But only in the beginning.
What they have in common is what will take the relationship for the long haul. Do they have the same level of intellect?
They don’t have to think like a genius. But at least they understand each other’s sense of humor. And lastly, do they spend enough time together?
Yes, they work in the same bank but they obviously can’t effectively connect if they’re emotionally distant from each other. In a recent study involving 2,201 respondents regarding essential romantic relationship competencies, communication remains to be at the top. But conflict resolution, knowledge of partners and romance are almost as essential for a relationship to stay hot.
M: According to Dr. Chapman, we have to determine and discover our own love language by asking ourselves these questions: How do I express love to others? What do I complain about the most? What do I request most often? Relationships need a lot of work and commitment.
Romeo, your relationship or your conversations might not have the spark today but if you so decide to make your relationship work, initiate and make the spark. If you cannot do it because you think it is a burden and expect your partner to do it for you, I think the greater tragedy is allowing Juliet to think that there’s hope in your relationship when you don’t have hope in it yourself.
DJ: Pray, discern and seek the thoughts of people whose opinion you trust dude. Then decide and be ready to face its consequence. Love can’t solve your problems. But being the right Romeo for the right Juliet, love and life will be all worth it.
Don’t just settle. Settle down wisely!
Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on October 06, 2013.