Singlestalk: Friends or foes?-A A +A
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Michelle: It is possible to have a friend or set of friends you love to death but whom your partner and/or significant other doesn’t like, hates or even wishes dead. I’m not kidding!
Your friends with whom you share interests and your deepest, innermost secrets, the one who is like you (birds of the same feather are the same birds—oh I mean, flock together!) could be someone your partner (girlfriend or boyfriend) doesn’t get along with. And the feeling could be mutual.
This phenomenon can be possible because one or both of them don’t actually want to “share” you. They see the presence of one as an “intrusion” in your relationship. After all, there’s someone else who gets your affection, attention and time.
DJ: I don’t see it as a concern, except probably when the girlfriend’s friend says things men don’t really want to know about someone we just met for five minutes. Like talking about her family tree and how it evolved since they got off the boat with Magellan in 1521. But this applies to all types of human beings who can’t quit with “I’m-fine-thank-you” when asked how they are after the initial introduction. And if her friend also bows her head every time there is a bleeping sound to respond to incoming FB messages on her mobile phone, then it should not be a surprise if a guy is led to believe his GF’s friend is unreachable. It’s because she’s always reachable! The basic rule against first impressions and communication applies not just to foes but also friends.
M: Girlfriends are particularly wary of their boyfriends girl friend/s. Wives are careful too about their husband’s female friends.
That is a normal reaction. Women see their guy’s female friends as possible threats to their relationship. Can’t blame some women.
They themselves might have started off as “just friends” with their boy friends until he became a boyfriend. While men are territorial, women can be possessive. That’s why some women don’t like their men always hanging out or going out with his friends. If a guy hangs out with his buddies, they’re bound to do the usual “guy stuff,” including meeting with or getting to know other women, especially if they’re all single.
DJ: Not even the use of kryptonite can help us understand why our buddies should be a threat to a relationship. It’s even a good balance, particularly when we’re slaving away in the salt mines during the week. Besides, what women think we’re doing when we’re out with our best buds is mostly all in the mind. We’re not always out just for a chill-out crap. Trust me, unless if a girl really sees a pattern that a guy is still within his crazy-happy years.
And it’s okay with us if our girlfriend bonds with her friends. If going out with them brings out the best in her, why not? Even if a couple is committed to each other, the world does not revolve with them as its center. Life goes on. It helps if they continue living and interacting with other human beings, particularly friends and family. It makes the relationship current and relevant to what the rest of the civilization is going through. That’s what we call balance.
M: So, can a man be friends with a woman and vice versa? Can a girlfriend be safe when her boyfriend is with his girl friend? Who really knows? What’s important is that one has to trust his or her partner because if there’s no trust, it’s going to be hard to make a relationship work.
DJ: Yup. I agree. Let’s give ourselves a break. We may just be extending the so-called battle between sexes even with our friends. It’s awesome to be in a relationship that is inclusive rather than exclusive.
The quality of our life is largely influenced by our experiences with as many good people possible. Believe me. If a guy is out with his buds, if they really are his friends, his girl can even relax. At least he’s breezing through some familiar territory (wink).
So instead of being gripped by fear or be stuck in a rut, chill-ax! See the half-full side of things. There’s a whole lot more to be happy than to be worried about it.
Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on November 03, 2013.