Singlestalk: Alpha or omega

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Saturday, December 14, 2013


Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares

Michelle: Do you want to know what causes the dissolution of many relationships in this world? An article I saw in the internet said that it goes in three phases. I: You hurt me. II: Because you hurt me, I hurt you. III: You hurt me even more because I just hurt you, so I hurt you even more. Then you hurt me; then I hurt you; then you hurt me because I just hurt you, so I hurt you more, etc. This is what I call the crazy cycle that signals the beginning of the end.

DJ: A relationship is a give and take thing. It is economics too! It requires balance between supply and demand. We cannot give what we do not have. We need to have enough love in our self for us to be able to give love.

We need to have enough self-respect for us to truly respect another. A relationship that succeeds at the expense of the other, to me, is not love. The imperfections will still be there and this isn’t something that makes a person less than who he or she truly is.

M: Man is inherently good. But we are often weak. It takes effort to consciously, openly and bravely speak up about the hurt we feel before things spiral negatively downward.

It’s difficult and scary to express our vulnerabilities and concerns with candor. But this effort is worth it because the satisfaction of being right about someone or something in the end sometimes brings us more misery than happiness.

DJ: I remember a story about a husband and wife who were getting ready for bed. The wife, standing in front of a mirror, took a hard look at herself. “You know dear,” she says, “I look in the mirror and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled. My hair is grey. I’ve got fat legs and my arms are flabby.”

She turned to her husband and said, “Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself.” He looked at her for a moment and then said this in a soft, loving and thoughtful voice: “I’m glad dear that you still can see very clearly.” Seriously, the way a couple communicates with each other and with themselves usually determines the quality of their relationship.

M: Communication is important but there are things that we should keep in mind such as picking the right time and the right place to say what we want to say. It also helps that before beginning a difficult conversation make it very clear to your partner that your goal is to create a better relationship.

Talking about difficult subjects can be uncomfortable but it’s better to have a difficult conversation now, than a decaying, untruthful, less intimate relationship later.

DJ: Like almost all things in life, it’s important to take courage to change something in a relationship that’s within our control and to have the serenity to accept those that are beyond us. The crucial part here is to have the wisdom to know when to hold on and when to let go. It can mean the beginning of an end. It can be the start of a new beginning.

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on December 15, 2013.

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