Singlestalk: Christmas break

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Saturday, December 28, 2013

Michelle: Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it happens at this time of the year. Is it possible to end a relationship without coming off like a blast of fireworks that runs out of control? So many guys try to ‘spare the woman’s feelings’ when they break up. How women wish guys just learn to tell the truth. That would be a nice change, but it’s difficult for some men to do.

I mean for guys to admit they’ve decided that they don’t enjoy the current girlfriend’s company after all, or divulge that they’ve found someone else more attractive, is like committing hara-kiri! How can he tell her that he no longer wants to spend a lifetime with her after being together for nearly a decade?

DJ: But they can’t also remain together just for the reason that they have already invested a lot. It’s irrational and it will only make the recovery process very much like watching paint dry—slow and pointless. The change can in fact be for the better given that they have already exhausted every possible means, it’s good to pause and ask themselves why it’s still not working.

Besides, they still have so much life ahead of them. They can’t chain themselves with what happened in the past because they still have the present and future. Sure it hurts and it seems to be not so in sync with the season that’s supposed to be merry. But hey, three days from now it’ll be 2014. It might just be the best way to finally start things right.

M: Handling delicate matters like matters of the heart should be done with class and humility. It doesn’t have to be a shouting match or a battlefield of broken hearts. Instead of leaving a woman hanging, a guy should be man enough to call it quits if things aren’t working out. Rather than deploy the hit-and-run approach, it’s better to lead off with the truth.

Sure it hurts but we’ll respect the man for doing the right thing. Maybe we’ll even feel oddly relieved to know the truth. We might not end up being friends again but at least the guy has learned how not to be a jerk. And we can be able to move on.

DJ: Only the truth can set people free. But there is no need to be a jerk about it. Even circumstances as tough as these can be handled with love. Be kind, particularly if you’re the one initiating the break-up. Breaking to her the news, and allowing her to react in the best way she knows how is the least thing a guy can do for an ex. There is no need to mess up an apology with an excuse.

But there is also no need to punctuate the relationship with a “comma” if it’s already a “period” just to make her feel better. It will just leave her hanging on for hope that isn’t there. And for women, spare us the bullet point presentation of where we are weak. The break-up is already tearing our ego apart. In times like these, it’s better for us to understand little than to misunderstand a lot. A break-up hurts. But like almost all things in life, time will come that we figure that the change is eventually to our liking.

M: The fact is guys, we girls aren’t stupid. However, it’s easy for us to see and hear what we want to when we’re interested in a man. If we sense any doubt or cloud in your decision, we’ll see it as hope. Sometimes there’s nothing more powerful than hope.

Sometimes, there’s nothing more hurting than finding out that there’s actually nothing to hope for. So tell the truth as gently, firmly and directly as possible. We may feel like you’ve hit us in the jaw with a strong upper cut but the truth always hurts less than the alternative… finding out from others that you’re seeing someone else on the sly and denying our relationship.

DJ: Since we’re about to start a new year, let’s remind ourselves that there is no wrong so hurtful that it cannot be forgiven. No one really is perfect. We may have been wronged this time but in one way or the other, we may have wronged others too. And for those who have wronged us, the best measure of forgiveness is our ability to be able to continue to love them even if we have been shattered, hurt or rejected. Love need not end with the relationship.

True love believes in all things, hopes in all things and endures all things. Forgive, but learn the lesson. We can’t go back but we can move on.

Master the faith to see not only what you’re missing but to appreciate what you’re having. Decide to have a happy and bliss-filled 2014! Happiness is a choice.


Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on December 29, 2013.


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