Unhappy Esther

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Sunday, April 20, 2014


Michelle: A lawyer-friend posted this on Facebook: “I recently became friends with this pretty woman in her mid 30s. She is a marketing manager who we can
call “Esther,” about to move in to her new (own) house and well-traveled. As expected, their conversation went to why she was still single. She said she’s been dating but nothing serious. Oh, she has a client who has persistently asked her to date the (client’s) brother. But she’s not about to meet this client’s brother. Why? I asked. She then ranted: “Ni-text bitaw na siya nako og, ‘I’m at the air4t! Unsaon man to nako og basa; di ba ‘airfort’! Di ko uy!” To which my lawyer-friend commented “Maka-discourage pud bitaw.”

I was so amused with the comment thread that I asked my friend’s permission if we could feature it here. She agreed. Among the first to comment were female lawyers. One commented that “the intelligence of a person is not necessarily gauged by spelling alone (or even pronunciation). A person can be bad in spelling and yet can be the most intelligent person there is. Or he can be bad in diction and still be smart. True, discouraging, but I think the 30-somethings should at
least give the guy a chance. Give him one dinner, and allow him to talk about ideas and things.”

DJ: I searched for dating turn-offs. Bad grammar, along with “P” and “F” confusion, are consistently in the tough 10. Pun intended. They’re deal breakers for most people who look for more in a dating relationship other than to scratch an itch. But maybe this dude is a both blessing from the sky and a blessing in disguise.

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It’s possible that he’s got a cool sense of humor. Maybe he is an awesome person. And perhaps he’s faithful, kind and loves her to the moon and back. I suggest that she give him at least a chance.

M: Personally, I am very particular about spelling and grammar but when I got the hubby’s first love letter, it didn’t matter so much. I’m not saying that he misspelled words or had bad grammar! It’s just that one cannot judge by a text message alone. Although if someone texted me in jejemon, this would definitely be a major turn-off.

In the case of the marketing woman, though, it was difficult for her to get past the air4t because there was another text message from the guy she mentioned: “I am making a re4t.” I think with the advent of shortcuts
in text messaging, 4 stands for P or F? So it might be that the guy mispronounces p for f. Whatever the case, this would seem to be unacceptable to some.

DJ: No one is really perfect. We all come with our strengths and weaknesses. And sometimes, it is but a matter of looking at what’s going right instead of looking intently on what’s going wrong.

I suggest that she should take a look at who he is, what he says and not just how he says it. But if his tongue really drives her crazy, I don’t think she should ignore it. Some people might fi nd Esther too strict but
that’s her and it’s her choice. It might not be true for
everyone but it doesn’t make it wrong.

M: Intelligence matters but this is not the be all and end all of any relationship. Of course, aside from wanting our signifi cant others to be intellectually stimulating,
physical attraction is important. But looks fade away and the six pack becomes a beer belly and what were once perky are now sagging. What is important is that we can get along, enjoy each other’s company with good conversations, a sense of humor and an attitude
of gratitude of being loved and accepted for who and what we are.

DJ: I guess it all comes down to a question of priorities. What’s essential to her? Chemistry or English? Does it really make sense for her to cross him off solely because of a few errant key and tongue strokes? Well, I do believe that love knows no boundaries. But in the
end, it’s still her who knows what makes a happy Esther. We can suggest. But it’s still really up to her. (ssinglestalk@yahoo.com)

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on April 20, 2014.

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