Need for closure after a breakup

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Saturday, June 14, 2014


DEAR Cindy,

It’s been a month since my boyfriend told me that he needed some breathing space between us. The sad part is I’m not even sure if we are really over. He just said something that I took as a hint that he is breaking up with me.

We never had a chance to see and talk to each other. I kept on asking him (through exchange of text messages) to see me so that we can talk things out and make things clear but he ignores me. I miss him so much. I want to hear from him again. I love him too much. I cannot move on.

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Tell me, is it okay to still pursue to get him to see me and talk things out? Or should I just let this be and go on, and start fresh and forget about the idea of seeing him?

Honestly, at this point I feel scared of getting into a relationship again and the thought of marriage and having a lifetime partner scares me. I seriously don’t want to feel any more pain.

Frances

Dear Frances,

Courtship is a necessary period to know each other’s characteristics and determine your compatibility. It is healthy for two people to pursue at least part of their lives independently. Your boyfriend needs breathing space to do something besides being with you. In the same manner you too need some time away from him.

Is he worth waiting for forever? I don’t think so. Give him a timetable, say a month or two, if after the timetable he has not given in to your requests, move on with your life without him. Give your heart a chance to love someone else. Don’t miss out on the beautiful experience of loving and being loved in return.

You’re still young, which means studies should take the front seat as you drive through life. When you have a stable job, pleasing personality, and a heart of gold, you will not lack suitors who will make attempts to catch your heart. That then will be the right time for you to choose who among the many suitors you should have occupy a permanent place in your heart.

Frances, a woman must have some activity to define her life. Focus more time on your studies, and aim for personal and professional growth; pursue other interests. Let your door be open to other suitors. Perhaps there is someone who is much more deserving of your love.

Should you and your boyfriend ever break up, you will be glad you developed some resources of your own. Loving a man is not everything in life—even married couples break up. Be glad this is happening early in your relationship. If he is really the man that God has set aside for you, no matter how much distance you put between you and him, you will still wind up in each other’s arms.

God bless,

Cindy

Helping a sickly family member

Dear Dr. Dana,

The rainy season is here once again and this is the time when my school children easily catch colds. That’s why I keep on reminding them not to play under the rain and to always bring rain gear to school.

I’m concerned, however, because whenever my kids have coughs and colds, my husband is sure to catch it. We work long hours, eat the same food, get about the same amount of sleep and take the same vitamins.

My question is why is he getting sick while I remain okay? Is there anything I can do to help him?

Angelyn

Dear Angelyn,

The cold virus can be carried by children from school, or by parents from the workplace to your house. Crowded places like malls and movie houses are also common sources of the virus.

The best thing for you to do is to encourage your husband and children to wash hands thoroughly and frequently. This kills most of the bacteria and viruses that cause disease, including the common cold. Wash faucet handles because germs left there will be picked up again when you close the tap. You can also wipe down your things when someone has a cold in the house. Do this on kitchen countertops, dining tables, study desks, and even the kid’s toys.

The reason why your husband is the one who often get sick not you is that you may have an effective immune system. Despite the same nature of work and work hours, he may also be more under stress than you are. To help boosts his immune system, encourage him to do some exercises, improve the quality of his diet, and provide opportunities for him to relax and relieve stress.

On the other hand, part of his symptoms may be the “allergic response” to the cold virus. This may occur for the prolong symptoms. While his body is able to mount a response to the cold virus, it may “overreact” and cause more sneezing and mucus. An anti-allergic medication a few days after the onset of the colds may help relieve symptoms.

But an ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure. By changing your health habits, you can decrease your downtime, increase productivity, and prolong quality time with your family.

Very truly yours,

Dr. Dana R. Sesante

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on June 15, 2014.

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