Angry bride

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Saturday, July 5, 2014


Michelle: Gino is engaged to be married in three months. Instead of being excited and happy about their upcoming wedding they are fighting a lot. They can’t agree on who to invite and the budget, among other things. He said she invites everyone without checking how much they can afford. If he tells her to try to cut back on the guest list, she gets frustrated, throws tantrums instead of resolving through issues together.

Is this a symptom of worse things to come should they get married? Maybe. It’s not good to speculate on the outcome of one’s marriage based on the woman’s bridezilla episodes. The bride-to-be might be stressed with all the wedding preparations, especially if the groom-to-be has no participation in the planning except to show up during the pre-nup video and photo shoot, on the wedding day and to foot the bills.

DJ: While these are indicators he should not ignore, it’s also likely that this is caused by wedding jitters. I suggest they take a time off from the wedding preparations, talk things through, correct their trajectory to keep their relationship from a total crash and burn.

There is a lot of more important matters to put in order aside from what’s going to happen during the wedding day. They are going to spend the rest of their life together. She needs to learn to rein her reactions while Gino needs to learn to open up on what he thinks are teensy behaviors that can potentially conflagrate into relationship Armageddon. They both need to learn to communicate better.

M: It usually is the woman who is into the wedding preparations—from the motif, the menu, the wedding invites, the entourage and the whole shebang. It is hard to coordinate a wedding so some women get coordinators and event planners to help them narrow down the myriad of choices for their dream wedding.

Reasonable and level-headed women turn into bridezillas and more often than not, the object of their wrath are their grooms-to-be. Hence, it is expected that there are some disagreements and petty quarrels, a sort of a preview of things that may happen when the woman does not get her way. But do not fear. If you really know your bride to be, you will understand that this is just part of her response to changes in her life and not an indication that she will transform into a witch or ogre.

It will be good to reassure her that although you want a beautiful and memorable wedding, it is more important to prepare a lifetime ahead with her. After all a wedding is just one day and a marriage is a lifetime (hopefully).

DJ: Fighting should be avoided while they are under the influence of outside stress. Since he’s the man in this relationship, he should lead both of them to the right direction. They are about to get married. Do they have the maturity to see beyond themselves and together find ways to keep the relationship going? Will he always have to coddle her into adulthood? Was this behavior there before but he was just too in love to notice?

These are important questions that beg for a good answer. We all have triggers and limits. We can’t always change another person’s behavior but we can change our response. When he understands what sets him off, then he is more able and willing to response better. A time off together to calibrate certain relationship rules and boundaries helps so no one gets hurt in ways that they are not prepared for. Behavior is negotiable too.

M: Couples should talk about money before they get married. They should discuss what matters and not just whisper sweet nothings to each other because at the end of the day, the sweet nothings, though sweet, might just be the cause for a relationship to turn sour. Be honest including the fact that you only intend to spend this much for a wedding. It does not bode well to have an ostentatious wedding only to be saddled with debts.

DJ: Tackle her behavior not as a threat, but as a great opportunity to pause, think, and process. Relationships inspire. They bring out the best in a person. Gino needs to keep this in mind as he leads the relationship to where it needs to be. Ultimately, it’s really still up to him—and her.

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on July 06, 2014.

Lifestyle

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