Singlestalk: Falling out

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Saturday, July 19, 2014


MICHELLE: Breaking up is hard to do. Is it possible to end a relationship without coming off like storm signal No. 3 ripping through your heart?

So many guys try to “spare the woman’s feelings” when they break up. How women wish guys just learn to tell the truth. That would be a nice change but it’s difficult for some men to do. I mean for guys to admit they’ve decided that they don’t enjoy the current girlfriends company after all or divulge that they’ve found someone else more attractive is like committing hara-kiri!

DJ: Spending decades dissecting each chronological part of a relationship-gone-wrong is pointless. But objectively analyzing the events that lead to a break-up is a good measure for each party to improve. They may end up having separate lives for good but the lessons learned can help them become better persons.

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There is really no hard and fast rule to immediately clean up a mess created by a fractured or severed relationship. Some women prefer that we break it to them gently.

There are those who’d prefer downright honesty. No one really knows the right approach to the situation except the people involved. What works doesn’t work all the time. And what doesn’t work sometimes works!

M: Handling delicate matters like matters of the heart should be done with class and humility. It doesn’t have to be a shouting match or a battlefield of broken hearts.

Instead of leaving a woman hanging, a guy should be man enough to call it quits if things aren’t working out. Rather than deploy the hit-and-run approach, it’s better to lead off with the truth.

Sure, it hurts but we’ll respect the man for doing the right thing. Maybe we’ll even feel oddly relieved to know the truth. We might not end up being friends again but at least the guy has learned how not to be a jerk. And we can be able to move on.

DJ: Only the truth can set people free. This is true for both parties. The relationship can not continue when there’s nothing that’s holding it together other than their being polite with each other. Eventually, it’ll come to an end. What makes matters worse is giving false hopes. It keeps people hanging on loose ends. Ending with a bang also makes it sound like an unresolved crime.

There is still no substitute to dealing with the situation truthfully without losing the respect you have for each other. It hurts. But you can better deal and put a period on it when you know the truth. It won’t be free from pain. But time heals all wounds when you know what you’re facing.

Some are despondent for months, some for weeks and a few blessed personalities are unhappy for all of three hours before they realize that the change is to their liking.

M: The fact is, guys, we girls aren’t stupid. However, it’s easy for us to see and hear what we want to when we’re interested in a man. If we sense any doubt or cloud in your decision, we’ll see it as hope. Sometimes there’s nothing more powerful than hope. And sometimes, nothing more hurting than finding out that there’s actually nothing to hope for.

So tell the truth as gently, firmly and directly as possible. We may feel like you’ve hit us in the jaw with a strong upper cut but the truth always hurts less than the alternative: finding out from others that you‘re seeing someone else on the sly and denying our relationship.

DJ: Let us always remember that there is no wrong so hurtful that it cannot be forgiven. We may have been wronged this time but in one way or the other, we may have wronged others too. The best measure of forgiveness is our ability to be able to continue to love even if we have been shattered, hurt or rejected. Sometimes true love takes making someone happy even if that means we’re no longer part of that happiness.

Love, forgive and move on. Doing so will set you free. (Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares)

Published in the Sun.Star Cebu newspaper on July 20, 2014.

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