Love in the time of Tinder | SunStar

Love in the time of Tinder

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Love in the time of Tinder

Saturday, September 02, 2017

ONE would think that with digital dating making everything right at everyone’s fingertips, finding the perfect match is easy. But as more of these dating apps emerge, so do a slew of modern dating terms and acts—ghosting, breadcrumbing, benching, cushioning—which can be discouraging and emotionally exhausting. Not all hope is lost though. Here are other apps to try whether one is searching for Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now.

OkCupid (iOS and Android)

Its free version allows one to create a profile by either manually filling it out or linking it to his Facebook account. For a more personalized and in-depth profile, one has to answer several open-ended questions which can be read by anyone who checks him out.

OKC offers match compatibility in percentages, which are calculated from one’s answers to the standard questions. Searching for matches is made even easier as one can filter them based on location, age, the type of relationship they’re looking for, and a lot more.

Coffee Meets Bagel (iOS and Android)

This female-centric app focuses more on quality than quantity. Every day at noon, male members receive no more than 21 matches (bagels) which they can either like or pass. Coffee Meets Bagel will then curate the best potential matches for the female members based on the men who already liked them.

The app has its own currency (coffee beans) which can be earned by regularly engaging on it, and can be used to buy more bagels. Users have only a week to respond to messages and set up an actual date.

Sapio (iOS and Android)

This app lets one pick matches by picking their brain. When searching for matches, the profiles include, alongside general information, three questions that have been answered by the user. One can read the answers only after answering them himself. There is also a Questions section with over 300 open-ended questions from different categories like personality, dreams and future plans, and quirks.

One can narrow down his search by filtering matches’ answers based on quality and his own criteria. Conversations can be had only when users have mutually liked each other.

Bumble (iOS and Android)

Another female-focused app, Bumble lets women initiate the conversation. One still has to swipe left or right on photos to show interest, and when two users like each other, a match is created. After matching, men can’t reach out to women. If the woman does not make the first move within 24 hours, the connection is lost forever.

Upon registration, one can set his preferred distance and age ranges, and who he would like to see—men, men and women, or a BFF.

Tastebuds (iOS)

An app fit for music aficionados, this matches users who have similar taste in music. After sharing one’s favorite tunes, he can immediately start searching for matches. Options like “concert buddy” and “new friend” give users the opportunity to search for more than just a date. Instead of the usual flirting options of poking or winking, there are fun and quirky buttons such as “send them a song.”

This is also good for those who are just dipping their toes into the dating pool and don’t want to rush into a relationship right away.

Happn (iOS and Android)

Simply put, Happn matches one with people he has literally crossed paths with. One can also see the number of times he has encountered a certain Happn user. One must have a Facebook account to verify himself upon signup, and auto-fill some of the information on his profile.

The more people you pass on the street, the more options you’re presented with. Users can contact one another only if they have liked each other. Mutual interests like favorite series will also show, as well as what one has been listening to on Spotify.

“Tinderellas” can learn a thing or two from these couples whose love stories actually started online.

Bianca and Troy:
“We found each other on OkCupid’s ‘Looking for Friends’ section. It started with a hi-hello conversation when our profiles matched, then we began talking on Skype and eventually met in person after a few months of chatting. Now it’s been two years since we made things official. For us, those dating applications are what we consider as stepping stones to finding a match. If you want to take it to the next level, then you must make a smarter move rather than chatting alone. Just be patient, be honest, be wise and know what you’re about to jump into before you go. It’s definitely all about risks and taking chances, but it will be a lot helpful for you if you take it easy and not stress yourself out.”

Phoebee and Manny:
Manny and Phoebee met on Manny sent her a three-paragraph introduction so she was intrigued. He did a worldwide search of who his best match was on the site and Phoebee’s photo and profile popped up at the top. They were a 97 percent match so he felt he had to reach out to her. They started messaging and talking online in June of 2013 but made it official in September of that year after they met in person and got to know each other better. They got married the first time in August 2015 in Miami, Florida, and again in Cebu City a year later. Their advice to those who have online dating fatigue?

Manny: “First, get off Tinder if you’re looking for something serious! Second, live your life well and learn to love yourself first before even thinking of getting into a relationship. Don’t let your life revolve around online dating because the right person will come along and you’ll know it when they do.

Phoebee: “Be thankful for the technology that we have today and don’t take it for granted. We were in a long-distance relationship for the longest time and it only served to make our bond stronger as we made use of all the different modes of communication that we have these days. Also, be creative and spontaneous and make each other laugh! Laughter is always the key!”

Cherryl and Aitor:
“We found each other in an online forum about sports injuries without any intention of dating.

We just clicked right away and our relationship progressed from there. We have been dating for three years now. To cope with the distance, we always plan on seeing each other at least twice a year. That way, we always have something to look forward to when we are apart.”

Published in the SunStar Cebu newspaper on September 03, 2017.

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