M: This is about Sue who found out that she is pregnant. She’s still 22 and single. How will she tell her parents? I think the how will take care of itself once she decides when she will have the courage to go up to them and tell them her condition. I suggest she do it soon. And as to the place, preferably in the privacy of their home. I also suggest that she tell her mother first and her mother can help her break the news to her dad.
DJ: Even if Sue is close to her parents, it’s normal for her to wonder how they’ll take the news. Perhaps she can make a mental note of their personalities. Are they usually calm in times of crisis? Or are they the emotional type who are more likely to get upset? Who among them is more balanced and reasonable? There is no way that she can absolutely predict how they’ll take the news, but this can be part of the considerations when she plans the conversation.
M: These days, fortunately or unfortunately, being pregnant and unmarried is not as taboo as it was before. Society is more accepting of the circumstances of an unmarried, pregnant woman. At 22, Sue is of age to make decisions and face the consequences of her actions. Of course, it is always better to have your parents’ blessings and approval as family support is important especially if one is just starting out and making a life and career for oneself. It will be good for Sue to remember that it will not be very healthy for her and her baby if she keeps on worrying and being anxious. Delaying to tell her parents the truth contributes to the anxiety. The sooner she talks to them, the better she will feel. Of course there might be some resistance or even anger from her parents but that is expected as parents are concerned about the welfare and the future of their children. But a pregnancy, even if unwanted, is not the end of the world. It is actually a beginning of something that might turn out to be great and wonderful. A child is a blessing. And the opportunity to be a mother is amazing.
DJ: I agree. This is a crucial step for her to be able to focus moving forward on the baby. To make the conversation productive, preparing how she will manage their reaction is essential. It’s better that she’s ahead of the curve on what she will do and how she’ll feel. If they’re the type who get angry and raise their voice, for example, then she can already condition herself to stay calm and not to yell back. The news is a surprise to them and it helps if Sue will acknowledge their feelings about the matter. Let them finish instead of responding right away. Once they’re done, she can also tell her parents what she feels about her pregnancy. Hopefully, the focus will shift from wallowing over the past to the help and support she needs today and in the future.
M: Life is what we make it, they say. But what others say or do about you should not matter so much as what you think and do about your circumstances. Stay positive and look at the brighter side of things. Be grateful still even if it seems bleak. You have already decided to keep your baby. That is very good. Pray. Sue, I wish you well.
DJ: I pray for a balanced conversation. Most parents eventually turn out to be supportive. Even when they have strong reactions about it, they still want to help. This is just the beginning of her journey. In some days, she’ll feel good and excited. It’s also possible for her doubts and fears to surface once in a while. It matters that her loved ones, her parents in particular, have her back.
Published in the SunStar Cebu newspaper on January 14, 2018.
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