YOU have to die a little bit inside in order to know what it’s like to be truly alive.

What is it like to be alive? The answer is different for each of us. It’s not easy to make meaning out of life. Existing is not living. Living is more than eating three meals a day, going to sleep at night and waking up the following morning.

Survival is the first step of living. But beyond survival, we have to search for significance to be truly alive.

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A friend once asked what living is for me. I paused to ponder. I replied, “It’s living a purposeful and productive life.” She went on further, “What do you mean by that?”

It’s not about earning X number of pesos or putting in X number of hours a day to work. It’s about making a daily contribution to your life and to the lives of others around you. It’s doing something worthwhile each day whether it’s watering a plant, putting away your files or listening to a friend.

Will you be missed when you leave this world for good?

And then after I said it out aloud, I wanted to take it back because my friend paused and had to think hard about whether or not she would be missed.

There should be no pause. There should be no question about it. Your life should be missed by those whose lives you have touched. There should be people around you who will miss you for your laughter, your stories, your company. Or even your cantankerous self.

If you have to pause, my heart goes out to you. But I cannot help you. I cannot help you find the meaning of life.

No one can. You can search for it all your life and never find it. But I can tell you that you can’t find it in a job, in a position, in a project, in a person. So stop shifting jobs. Stop looking for that perfect, significant other. When you search for the perfect other half, it means you’ve never really found yourself. You are not whole. You need to work on yourself. Not work to find another person to find yourself.

I cannot tell you how to find it. But I can tell you to look within yourself. Sure. Do what you must to live. Get to know people. Work. Travel. Nurture your relationships. Complete your tasks. Inspire others. But at the end of the day, ask yourself, “What are you really looking for?”

You’re not looking for love. You’re not looking for success. You’re not looking for wealth. You’re looking for happiness. But you’re looking in all the wrong places. You will find joy only when you have found significance in your life.

But it is different for each of us which is why there is no roadmap to significance. It helps if you get your priorities in order. What are your core values? What is not negotiable? What are you not willing to give up? What are you willing to die for? Find the answers.

The path to significance is strewn with stones. There will be failure, heartbreak and pain. You will be wronged and betrayed. You will be castigated and scorned. You will be belittled, laughed at, talked about. But if you persist, you will prevail. If you stay steadfast in your goals, you will find significance in your life.

I don’t know the way. But I can tell you that in order to live, you have to die a little bit inside.