Malilong: Theory of direct and inverse proportion
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TODAY until I-don’t-know-when, I will stop thinking like a lawyer. In fact, I will pretend that I never went to law school.
It seems that all these years, I’ve been reading the wrong law books and it’s so depressing. Nine learned justices of the Supreme Court couldn’t be wrong.
The dissent of three equally erudite jurists provides little solace. The majority prevails. The Supreme Court has spoken: to hell with precedents, this President can appoint the Court’s chief. That’s the law of the land. So be it.
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In the meantime, I have decided to pursue a new passion: election polling. The decision came not only in the light of the 9-3 Supreme Court decision but also close on the heels of the latest survey conducted by an independent research firm that showed that Noynoy Aquino, Manny Villar and Gibo Teodoro are, in that order, the least preferred presidentiables in the May 10 elections.
The survey, which was commissioned by Transparency Worldwide, a group of wealthy Arab sheiks, princes and emirs with huge business interests in Asia, was conducted from March 16 to 17 in collaboration with the Benevolent Association of the Boys of the Altar (Baba).
The sampling was taken among 51,000 respondents, who were asked this question: “Who among the 10 presidential candidates would you surely not vote for, and why?” The respondents wrote their answers on a sample ballot provided by the 50 samplers who were deployed all over the country and in the Victoria Plaza in Hongkong.
Fifty six percent of the respondents said that they would surely not vote for Aquino, 33 percent said never to Villar while 10 percent said they hated Teodoro. The rest of the candidates shared the remaining 1 percent.
Prof. Desiderato Contador of the Political Institute of Solid Mensuration and Analytic Geometry said that the survey results validated the theory of direct and inverse proportion between like and dislike, noting that the order of least preference followed that of preference for the same candidates as shown in the surveys conducted by the less prestigious Pulse Asia and Social Weather Station.
“The stronger you like someone, the stronger you dislike him,” the professor said without elaborating.
Majority of those who said that they would not vote for Noynoy cited the following reasons: he is the son of Ninoy (30 percent), he is the son of Cory (30 percent), he is the brother of Kris (20 percent) and he is the boyfriend of Shalani (10 percent). Others mentioned the LP candidate’s receding hairline, his loose-fitting pants and his remaining unmarried until now.
The respondents who said no to Villar complained that he is too handsome, they do not approve of Botox, they’re afraid that he might abolish poverty and hunger by feeding the poor to the hungry, the prices of Camella homes have gone up since he started placing ads for his presidential bid and there are not enough C-5 extensions.
The 10 percent who said they would surely not vote for Teodoro also complained that he: is too handsome, sobrang magaling at matalino, drives a jet instead of a jeepney, is not GMA’s candidate but at the same time is GMA’s candidate (“ano ba talaga, kuya?) and did not succeed in impeaching former chief justice Hilario Davide Jr.
The group that conducted the research is affiliated with major global strategic and policy-making bodies and is accredited by both the England Medical Journal and the Boston Institute of Industrial, Economic and Political Psychiatry. It will release the results of its next survey on April 1.
Interested parties can get the complete results of the March 16-17 survey, considered the most accurate ever conducted so far in the country, by visiting the website of Illusions, Deception and Hallucination.
