Michelle (M): A pastor who lives in our apartment building asked my opinion about a proposed law that will put an expiry date on marriage.
The pastor suggested that we write about it. I have to say that I’m really grateful for his suggestion because I didn’t want to write about Valentine’s Day or the Chinese New Year, which falls on the same day, which is today! A women’s party-list group said that marriage licenses should have an expiration period of at least 10 years. If former President Fidel V. Ramos said “six years is a long time for a bad president,” what then is a long time for a bad spouse or a bad marriage?
Darwin John (DJ): Someone once said that marriage is the mourning after the knot before. And having a marriage license with an expiry date initially sounds good. But I am not in favor of that. Life is already hard. It’s filled with too much uncertainty. People come into our lives, and a number of them eventually leave.
Our family is the closest we can have to having a constant. They’re imperfect but at least they’re more likely to be there in good times and even through the bad times. It’s a pity if this one will have to go through possible changes too. It’ll be hard for kids to potentially keep changing their sets of parents.
M: Proponents of the marriage with an expiry date say that it would spare couples trapped in a bad marriage from lengthy and costly proceedings to annul their union.
I think the proponents failed to consider that marriage is not just an ordinary contract. In law school we were taught that marriage contracts are different from ordinary contracts; that marriage, according to the Family Code is a “special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life” and is the “foundation of the family and an inviolable social institution.” There are people, though, who think that considering the realities of modern day marriage life, the 10-year cap on marriage is a good idea.
DJ: There was a story of a man seen running after the garbage truck yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” Following him down the street his wife yelled, “No, jump in!” This guy can’t definitely answer my question on how much does it cost to get married. He’s still paying for it. Kidding aside, the 10-year cap sounds like a good proposition. But marriage is a commitment. And like almost all things in life, we stay not only because we promised. We stay because love makes it possible for us to get through the hurt till it hurts no more.
M: I believe that marriage vows shouldn’t be taken lightly. Morality should not be conveniently set aside because of legalities. Someone vehemently against the expiration dates for marriages said that it will destroy families and will have a psychological effect on the children knowing that their parents’ union can end. Those in favor of marriage with expiry dates say that it could encourage a regular review of the state of the marriage, which could strengthen commitment and be reaffirmed with a renewal of the vows.
If they think of it that way, their treatment of marriage is similar to that of a fixed-term employment. I never thought that marriage would fall in the realm of labor law! Imagine the tension near the 10th year or renewal date. Marriage is not a bed of roses. Nothing ever comes easy. The road to success is always under construction.
DJ: That’s why a woman shouldn’t marry a man expecting that he will change. He won’t. And a man should not marry a woman expecting that she won’t change. She will. More than just a contract, marriage is love. And love believes, hopes and endures all things. Let’s claim it. Have a happy and blessed Valentine’s Day!
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