Learning from the impeachment trial

I THINK it was former Vice President Noli de Castro who first asked the question: by how many votes did Jessica Sanchez lose to Philip Phillips in the American Idol balloting? I’m not sure if a group of US-based Filipinos heard him, too, but they are now asking the show’s producers to release the number of votes received by each finalist. Holy cow, what will they do next, demand a recount?

Frank Malilong

The other side

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I am raising the issue because today, hopefully, the impeachment proceedings against Chief Justice Renato Corona will finally be laid to rest. Regardless of how the senator-judges vote on Corona’s fate, we should be mature enough to respect it.

It is human nature to get disappointed if the results do not match our own personal opinion but we have to realize that only the opinion of 17 men and women matters. If we are convinced that they are wrong, let’s punish them in the elections by not voting for them or for the party or candidates that they’re affiliated with. Also, let us not forget that somehow, the impeachment trial has enriched our lives.

I didn’t watch the trial on television as often as I should have but I still managed to learn so many things. For example, I now know that:

--A House prosecutor is one who should have never been allowed to leave the house on the day he was scheduled to prosecute.

--A senator-judge is the one in purple robe who everybody addresses as “Your Honor,” regardless of whether he believes it or not. He can be prone to emotional flare-ups and, depending on who he/she is dealing with, can be extra solicitous or extremely rude, as when she calls some lawyers “gago” or when he accuses a witness of being “sinungaling.”

--Commingled Funds is when your wife quarrels with her relatives, sells a commonly owned property to the government and deposits the proceeds-–all P30 plus million of it-–in your bank account for safekeeping. You can withdraw the amount and deposit it anytime, especially if your friends in high places advise you that there is a plan to freeze your assets, but you have no obligation whatsoever to declare it officially as part of your assets.

--Secrecy of Bank Deposits is when your banker is asked about your dollar accounts and you run to the Supreme Court for help, which comes in due time, in the form of a temporary restraining order. It can be anywhere between 4 and 82 but regardless of the number, no one, not even you, can disclose it without running afoul of the law.

The only exception is if 188 congressmen and one senator also agree to disclose it or if, after spending two nights in a hospital intensive care unit, you realize that you can actually do it without imposing any condition.

--Hypoglycemia is that condition that occurs after a three-hour monologue which renders the person afflicted so disoriented that he unceremoniously ups and goes after mumbling that he wishes to be excused. Under normal circumstances, candy or soft drinks can provide sufficient and immediate relief but extreme emotional and psychological pressure, such as that brought upon by having been stopped from leaving the building, could necessitate other interventions such as being made to sit in a wheelchair.

--Opening Statement, also the middle and concluding statements. It ends with the declaration that the one making it wishes to be excused. It has no definite time limit except that it is “sandali na lang,” which could mean a total of three hours.

You, what have you learned?

(frank.otherside@yahoo.com)