Seares: Trump, Kim: ‘Mine bigger than yours’ | SunStar

Seares: Trump, Kim: ‘Mine bigger than yours’

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Seares: Trump, Kim: ‘Mine bigger than yours’

Wednesday, January 03, 2018

KIM Jong-un, North Korea’s head of state, started talking about it last Monday (Jan. 1), warning the United States he had a nuclear button on his desk. The next day, U.S. President Trump tweeted: “Will someone from his depleted and food-starved regime inform him that I have a nuclear button too but it’s bigger and more powerful than his, and it works?”

Kim and Trump have been at it during much of the past year. Nokor kept trying to show the U.S. and the rest of the world that it now has missiles that can reach anywhere on America’s mainland. As Trump talked about “fire and fury, the likes of which the world had never seen before.”

Even assuming the two leaders are merely engaged in verbal scrimmage and ego-flexing and there’s hope from Nokor’s recent hint of talks with South Korea, this can’t be ruled out by analysts on world affairs: the chance that, by mistake or accident, it could lead to World War 3. The U.N. has tightened sanctions against Nokor: a “starving” country pushed to the wall might, with a manic leader at the helm and nudged by an erratic Trump, unleash a suicidal attack.

Source of humor

If the bragging were only about male genitals. That has been a perpetual source of humor, from bar room jokes to monologues of late-night shows.

On a bar’s glass window, with a horse tethered near the door, a sign read: “P5,000 reward to anyone who can make the horse laugh and P10,000 to anyone who can make it cry. Inquire inside.”

After several failed attempts by others, one man took the challenge. The bar owner and his customers crowded at window and door to watch. The man whispered to the horse; the horse laughed. After a while, he whispered again to the horse; it cried. The crowd cheered and before paying the cash prize, the bar owner asked how the man did it. His answer: “I told the horse my penis is bigger than his. That made him laugh out loud. Then I showed the horse my penis. The horse broke into tears.”

Kim vs. Trump

Even if taken seriously, it will cause no more than some bruise on ego of male citizens of the losing group or country.

In a match of genitals between Kim Jong-un and Trump, betting is most likely to favor Trump. A reported Mandatory.com survey of 80 countries in March 2015 claimed that North Koreans were found to have the smallest penis with average length of 3.8 inches while Americans averaged 5.1 inches.

Parenthetically, Filipinos ranked among the lowest, at 4.3 inches, while the global average was 5.5 inches (Congo led with 7.1 inches). In another supposed survey, by University of Ulster-Northern Ireland, Pinoys are ranked #110 with 4.27 inches average.

Genital face-off

Kim may not agree to a penis face-off with Trump if he knows about the survey results. But bluffers both, each could make penis size, not nuke-button firepower, the subject of bluster. Instead of scaring the rest of the world with threat of Armaggedon, they could delight many people with the game of “Mine-is-bigger-than-yours.”

Meantime, both leaders can muster resources on research to find ways to boost penis size. Instead of developing ICBMs and ways to intercept enemy bombs, scientists of each country can devote talent and energy on, ha ha, increasing the size of their respective leaders’ genitals. Success by any camp will benefit each feuding nation and the rest of the world.

Published in the SunStar Cebu newspaper on January 04, 2018.

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