Singlestalk: Independent women

Darwin John Moises and Michelle Mendez-Palmares

MICHELLE (M): Why do men get intimidated by women who are successful and earn more than they do?

Women nowadays are career oriented, know what they want and usually work hard to get it. Some might even have fearsome reputations of being ball-breakers. That’s why men who are a bit lacking in confidence don’t approach them, not knowing that despite the tough exterior, there’s a soft heart that also yearns for a good, committed relationship with a man who loves them and will be faithful to them.

Click here for Election 2010 updates

Darwin John (DJ): Intimidation only happens when one is not secure about one’s self. Confidence is largely internal.

Women with strong personalities are generally OK as long as they know what they want and what they do not need. Gone are the days when we expected women to be meek and mild.

But seriously, healthy and secure men are attracted to independent women who can take care of themselves and their needs.

They make better choices and they enjoy healthy and authentic relationships. Dating someone who puts “Sagittarius” at the bottom of a form where it says “sign here” can be fun at first, but not for a long-term relationship. Particularly if she’s already influencing him into thinking that General Motors is with the military.

M: Do you remember what Julia Roberts said to Hugh Grant in the movie Notting Hill? She said something like: “I’m just another girl who wants to love and be loved.”

In the movie, she was a famous actress and he was virtually a nobody. To me, that says a lot. No matter how accomplished we are in our careers and social life, we want fulfilling relationships.

There’s a song that my brother-in-law Rommel sings, which always gives us a laugh but the lyrics have some truth: “Two less lonely people in the world, everything seems to be fine.

Out of all the people in the world, I just can’t believe your mine.” There’s a survey that says people in happy relationships live longer than those in an unhappy one. For me a happy relationship doesn’t have to mean a romantic one.

DJ: Yeah. I saw the movie recently in HBO. Love is for everyone—rich or poor, famous or notorious, simple or complicated.

Tips for women: (1) Men want to be loved for who they are, not only for what they can provide. That’s why it is a plus for us to be in a relationship that is not built on need. (2) Be whole even when you’re not in a dating relationship. Being desperate or clingy is generally a minus—unless if you want to attract insecure men who will just ditch you for the next model.

(3) Good guys want to be with independent-thinking women. You can’t just agree on every word we say. It’s always interesting to be with someone with courage to stand by her belief.

M: Women who are not in relationships right now shouldn’t be anxious. There’s a right time for everything. The problem is we don’t know the right time; only heaven knows!

Guys also shouldn’t discount the possibility of ending up with someone they think they wouldn’t have the courage to approach.

Maybe despite the woman’s reputation of being tough and hard to please, she might also be at a loss on what to do. For all you know she’s NBSB (no boyfriend since birth).

DJ: Whichever is the case, it’s best for a woman to embrace life and love with freedom from fear. This is true for men as well.

We experience true love when we are willing and able to love freely in the same manner that we accept all that is given to us. Each person is a gift, a blessing to touch, to inspire, and that helps us make a difference.

Be rooted and founded in faith so you can discern when to play hard to get or just keep it cool, why and how. Ultimately, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer—what matters most is that we love at all.